More Mullah Stories

It had been a real big night at the tavern. Mulla Nasrudin had to be carried back to his shack by his friends. When he woke up the next day, he was started to see a huge ape sitting on the foot of his bunk. He carefully reached for his 45. He took careful aim ...

Nasrudin was walking through the desert and spotted a foreign holy man. Nasrudin introduced himself, and the holy man said, “I am a mystic devoted to the appreciation of all life forms—especially birds.” “Oh, wonderful,” Nasrudin replied. “I am a Mulla, and I would like to visit with you for a while so we can share ...

“Oh, what a funny-looking cow,” the young city-girl said to Mulla Nasrudin. “There are many reasons,” said Nasrudin, “why a cow does not have horns. Some do not grow them until late in life. Others are dehorned. Some breeds are not supposed to have horns. And, this particular cow does not have horns because it ...

Mulla Nasrudin was weeping and complaining in a bar. “I don’t have anything to worry about,” he said. “My wife takes care of my money. My mother-in-law tends to my business. All I have left is to work.”

Nasrudin was standing near a river. A man on the other side shouted to him, “Hey! How can I get across the river?” “You are across the river!” Nasrudin shouted back.

A man on the street whom Mulla Nasrudin had asked for a handout advised, “You would stand more chance of getting a job if you would shave and clean yourself up.” “Yes, Sir,” the Mulla said. “I found that out years ago.”

Mulla Nasrudin said to a man sitting next to him in a bar, “one drink always makes me drunk.” “Really?” asked the stranger, “only one?” “Yes,” said the Mulla. “And it’s usually the sixth.”

Mulla Nasrudin was bragging to his friend about his family. “When I go home at night,” he said, “everything is ready for me, my slippers, my pipe, the easy chair in the corner with the light turned on, my book open at the same place I left it the night before… and always plenty of ...

Sitting on his cot in a flophouse Mulla remarked to the fellow on the next cot, “You know, when I was seventeen years old, I made up my mind that nothing would stop me from getting rich.” “Well, how come you never got rich?” his friend asked. “Oh,” said Nasrudin, “By the time I was nineteen, ...

Mulla Nasrudin and his neighbor were talking about problems raising their boys. “Is your son very ambitious, Mulla?” asked the neighbor. “Yes,” said Nasrudin, “He has such big ideas about being rich and successful, he’s already beginning to look on me as a sort of poor relation.”

Nasrudin was hanging a picture in his room. He accidentally hammered too hard, and made a big hole in his wall. He looked through it and saw goats on the other side, but didn’t realize it was his neighbor’s yard. He immediately ran to his wife and exclaimed, “Fatima! You’re not going to believe this! Guess ...

Nasrudin was lying on his couch with his eyes closed. His brother-in-law poked him and asked, “Are you asleep?” “Why do you ask?” Nasrudin replied. “I was wondering if you could loan me three hundred dollars,” said the other. “Well,” answered Nasrudin, “let’s go back to you your first question, ‘Am I asleep.’ The answer is yes, I am, so ...

Mulla Nasrudin was chatting with his master, who had taken up art. “When I look at one of your paintings, Sir,” he said, “all I can do is stand and wonder.” “Wonder how I do it?” asked the master. “No,” said Nasrudin. “Why you do it.”

Mulla Nasrudin climbed into a barber’s chair and asked, “Where’s the barber who used to work on the next chair?” “Oh, that was a sad case,” the barber said. “He became so nervous and despondent over poor business, that one day when a customer said he didn’t want a massage, he went out of his mind ...

Every seat in the doctor’s waiting room was taken. Several more people were standing. There was no word from the doctor. Finally, Mulla Nasrudin stood up wearily and said, “Well, I guess I’ll just have to go home and die natural death.”

Mulla Nasrudin finally won a parrot at an auction after some rather spirited bidding. “I assume the bird talks,” he said to the auctioneer. “Talks?” the auctioneer said. “Who do you think has been bidding against you for the past half hour?”

One night, Mulla Nasrudin’s father noticed a light in his barn. He went to see what it was all about and he found Nasrudin with a lantern, all dressed up. “What are you doing all dressed up and with that lantern?” asked his father. “I am going to call on my girlfriend, Dad,” said Nasrudin. ...

Mulla Nasrudin was telling his wife about a dream he had the night before. “It was terrible,” he said. “I was at a birthday party at Yusef’s house. His mother had baked a chocolate cake three feet high, and when she cut it everybody was given a piece that was so large that it hung ...

The rival political candidates were scheduled to speak at the county fair on the same program. Mulla Nasrudin was chosen to introduce them. He rose and said, “I want to present to you a man who, above anyone, has the welfare of each and every one of you at heart. More than anyone I know, ...

It was the ‘better part of town’ and the lady who came to the door said to Mulla, “I should think you would be ashamed to beg in this neighborhood.” “Don’t apologize for it, lady,” said Nasrudin, “I have seen worse.”

An acquaintance of Mulla Nasrudin touted a certain horse very, very highly. So Mulla put his money on that horse. The next day, the horse came in last. Mulla found the tipster, and screamed, “Boy, have I got it in for you. That horse you told me to bet on came in dead last!” “Last?” the ...

Mulla Nasrudin lived far beyond his means and was constantly hounded by his creditors. But he was so used to them that their presence caused him no distress. In fact, he treated them with the utmost courtesy. Once he even served a bill collector champagne. “If you cannot afford to pay your debts,” the bill ...

Mulla Nasrudin used to say: “Every man should have at least one wife, because there are somethings that just can’t be blamed on the government.”

A man said to his friend Mulla Nasrudin: “Who is the boss in your house?” “Well,” said Nasrudin, “my wife assumes command of the children, the servants, the dog and the parakeet. But I say pretty much what I please to the goldfish.”

“Nasrudin, which is wiser, camel or man?” asked an acquaintance. “A Camel. Because a camel carries loads and never asks for more, but man, even if he is overwhelmed by responsibility, often chooses to add more,” replied Nasrudin,

The town’s richest man had died. The next morning, another rich, and particularly miserly, old man said to Mulla Nasrudin, “I wonder how much he left.” Mulla Nasrudin laughed and said, “every cent of it, sir.”

The clerk was waiting on Mulla Nasrudin at the meat counter, when a woman pushed herself ahead of the Mulla and said, “Give me a pound of cat food, quick, I am in a hurry.” Then she turned to the Mulla and said, I hope you don’t mind my pushing ahead of you like this.” “Not ...

A member of the finance committee called on Mulla Nasrudin. “I am calling about the yearly contribution to the fund for converting the heathen,” he said. “last year you gave a rupee.” “What!” said Nasrudin in surprise “Haven’t you converted them yet?”

“My wife used to play piano,” a friend told Mulla, “but since the children came, she has not had time to even touch it.” “Children sometimes are a comfort, are they not?” said Mulla.

A school teacher wrote a note home to Abdul’s mother, “Dear Mrs. Nasrudin, your son, Abdul, is a smart boy, but he spends all of his time with the girls. I am trying to break him of this habit.” The teacher received this reply, “I wish you success. Please let me know how you do it. ...

It was a cold winter day, and a heavily dressed man noticed Nasrudin outside wearing very little clothing. “Mulla,” the man said, “tell me, how is it that I am wearing all these clothes and still feel a little cold, whereas you are barely wearing anything yet seem unaffected by the weather?” “Well,” replied Nasrudin, “I don’t ...

Mulla Nasrudin’s wife complained bitterly to the Mulla. “I am absolutely ashamed of the way we live. Mother pays our rent. My aunt buys our clothes. My sister sends us money for food. I don’t like to complain, but I am ashamed that we cannot do better than that.” “You should be ashamed,” said Nasrudin. “You ...

Mulla Nasrudin limped into a doctor’s office with a badly swollen ankle. “Goodness, Man,” said the doctor, after looking at Nasrudin’s ankle, “how long has it been like this?” “About three weeks,” said the Mulla. “Why, this ankle is broken,” said the doctor. “Why didn’t you come see me right away?” “Well, I sort of ...

Mulla Nasrudin greeted his neighbor one day… “Good morning,” said the Mulla. “You are looking fine this today.” “I am sorry I can’t say the same thing for you,” said the neighbor. “You could,” said Nasrudin, “If you were as big a liar as I am.”

Mulla Nasrudin called a psychiatrist, and told him that he had problems and needed help. “I want to talk to you,” said the Mulla, “because my ethics have not been what they should be, and my conscience is bothering me.” “I understand,” the psychiatrist said, “and you want me to help you build up a stronger ...

A neighbor ran into Judge Nasrudin’s room and asked, “If one man’s cow kills another man’s cow, is the owner of the first cow responsible?” “It depends,” Nasrudin cautiously answered. “Well,” said the man, “your cow has killed mine!” “Oh,” answered Nasrudin. “Well, everyone knows that a cow can’t think like a human. So obviously, a cow ...

“What in the world happened at the picnic yesterday?” a fellow asked Mulla Nasrudin. “They are saying around the tavern that you acted like a coward.” “Well, I am no fool,” the Mulla said. “Some of the girls found a big hornet’s nest in the top of a tree and dared me to climb up and ...

A concertgoer turned to Mulla Nasrudin, sitting next to him, and criticized the voice of the woman who was singing. “What a terrible voice,” he said. “Do you know who she is?” “Yes,” said the Mulla. “She’s my wife.” “Oh,” said the embarrassed guest, “I beg your pardon. Of course, it is not her voice ...

After tripping on a rock while walking, Nasrudin angrily yelled out, “Son of a bitch!” Unfortunately, a man who happened to be standing nearby thought the comment was directed towards him, and was so offended that he took Nasrudin to court, much to Nasrudin’s annoyance. When the judge heard the case, he ruled that Nasrudin should pay ...

The young daughter of Mulla Nasrudin heard a tapping on her window in the early hours of the morning. There on a ladder was her boyfriend. Their elopement was going according to plan. “Are you all ready?” her boyfriend asked. “Yes,” whispered the girl, “but don’t talk so loud, you might wake up my father.” ...

A drunk on a bus sat next to Mulla Nasrudin. Thinking Mulla to be a preacher from his appearance, and trying to start a conversation, he said, “I ain’t going to heaven. There ain’t no heaven.” The Mulla ignored him. “I say there ain’t no heaven,” said the drunk in a loud voice. The Mulla ...

“Doctor,” a woman cried, as she rushed into Mulla Nasrudin’s house, “I want you to tell me frankly, exactly what is wrong with me.” Nasrudin looked her over from head to foot, then said, “Madam, I have three things to tell you. First, you are about fifty pounds overweight, Second, your looks would be improved ...

“For fifteen years,” a new acquaintance related, “my habits were as regular as clockwork. I rose exactly at six. Half an hour later I was at breakfast. At seven I was at work. I had lunch at one, and supper at six, and was in bed at nine-thirty. I ate only plain food, and didn’t ...

“I am going to get a divorce,” a friend told Mulla Nasrudin. “My wife has not spoken to me in three months.” “I’d think twice if I were you,” said the Mulla. “Wives like that are hard to find.”

Mulla Nasrudin said to his wife, “My dear, this article says women need more sleep than men.” “Is that right? ” she said. “Yes, dear,” said the Mulla, “so maybe you’d better not wait up for me tonight.”

A rich farmer had been trying desperately to marry off his daughters. One day he met Mulla Nasrudin. “I have several daughters,” the farmer told the Mulla. “I would like to see them comfortably fixed. And I will say this, they won’t go to their husbands without a little bit in the bank, either. The ...

A friend advised, “Nasrudin, you should get up early in the mornings, because ‘the early bird gets the worm.'” “Well,” replied Nasrudin, “I don’t know if getting up early has any merit to me. After all, I am not hunting for worms.” “I thought you might say that.” said the friend. “But listen… A few days ago, ...

Nasrudin was working for an employer who complained to him one day. “You’re doing everything too slowly,” he said. “There’s no reason for you to go to the bazaar three separate times to buy material—you surely can do it all at once.” Then several days later, the employer said to Nasrudin, “I’m sick—get a doctor.” Nasrudin ...

Mulla Nasrudin was called to testify in an election bribery case. “You say,” asked the judge, “that you were given $10 to vote for the Democrats, and you got another $10 to vote for the Republicans?” “Yes, Sir, Your Honour,” said the Mulla. “And how did you vote?” asked the judge. “Your honor,” said Nasrudin, “I ...

Mulla Nasrudin had lost out in the last election and was feeling sorry for himself. “I was a victim,” he said, “nothing but a victim.” “A victim?, asked a friend. “A victim of what?” “A victim of accurate counting,” said Nasrudin.

Mulla Nasrudin’s wife said to him at a buffet supper: “That’s the fifth time you have gone back for more fried chicken. Doesn’t it embarrass you?” “Not at all,” he said. “I keep telling them i am getting it for you.”

Mulla Nasrudin and his neighbor were chatting. “Yesterday, I took a girl to the soda fountain in the afternoon,” said the neighbor, “and I paid for that. Then I took her to the drive-in for a hot dog and I paid for that. Then I took her to a movie, and I paid for that. ...

A traveling scholar treated Nasrudin to a meal at a local restaurant. The scholar ordered two lamb steaks, and after a while, the waiter brought back a platter containing one medium sized steak and one larger one. Nasrudin immediately took the larger steak and put in on his plate. The scholar in total disbelief explained, “What you ...

Mulla Nasrudin went to see his lawyer about a divorce. “What grounds do you think you have for a divorce?” the lawyer asked. “It’s my wife’s manners,” said the Mulla. “She has such bad table manners that she is disgracing the whole family.” “That’s bad,” the lawyer said. “How long have you been married?” “Nine years,” ...

Mulla Nasrudin and his wife were discussing a neighbor. “I have never heard a man talk so fast in all my life,” said the wife. “That’s not surprising, ” said Nasrudin. “His father was a politician and his mother was a woman. ”

Mulla Nasrudin had just checked into the hotel. “Welcome,” said the desk clerk. We are going to do everything we can to make you comfortable, and help you to feel at home.” “Please don’t,” said the Mulla. “I left home so I could feel like I am at a beach resort.”

Mulla Nasrudin, was an avid fisherman. “I notice,” said a fellow sportsman, “that when you tell about a fish you caught you vary its size for different listeners.” “Yes,” replied Nasrudin, “I never tell a man more than I think he will believe.”

Mulla Nasrudin had been fishing all afternoon. A man, who had just walked up, asked him, “How many have you caught today, Mulla?” “Well,” said Nasrudin, “If I catch this one that’s nibbling, and then two more, I will have three.”

Mulla Nasrudin sat fishing in a bucket of water. A visitor, wishing to be friendly, asked, “How many have you caught?” “You are the ninth,” said Nasrudin.

Mulla Nasrudin rushed into a bar and said breathlessly, “The usual, please, and hurry, I gotta catch my train.” The bartender set up five martinis in a row and the Mulla gulped the second, third and fourth, leaving the first and last drinks on the bar. Then he rushed out as rapidly as he had ...

“You sure do look downhearted, Mulla? What’s the matter?” asked a friend. “It’s my future that worries me,” said Nasrudin. “What makes your future so black?” the friend asked. “My past,” replied Nasrudin.

One day Mulla Nasrudin went to a department store to buy his wife some nylon stockings. Inadvertently, he got caught in a mad rush at a bargain counter where a special sale was in progress. He found himself being pushed and stepped on by crush of frantic women. He stood it as long as he ...

Mulla Nasrudin, who was really unaccustomed to public speaking, arose in confusion after dinner and muttered hesitatingly: “M-m-my f-f-friends, when I came here tonight only God and myself knew what I was about to say to you, and now only God knows!”

A friend was visiting Mulla Nasrudin. “My boy has just written me from jail,” he said. “He says they’re going to cut six months off his sentence for good behavior.” “My,” said Mulla Nasrudin. “You must be proud to have a son like that.”

In the days following the death of Nasrudin’s wife, Nasrudin’s friends noticed that he didn’t seem to be very shaken up. However, after his donkey died the following week, he appeared visibly upset and quite inconsolable. His friends, puzzled by his reactions, asked him why the death of his donkey seemed to upset him so much ...

Mulla Nasrudin had just bought a dog and was bragging about him to a friend. “He’s not what you’d call a pedigree dog,” said the Mulla, “but no prowler could get near the house without him letting us know about it.” “What does he do?” asked the friend. “Bark and wake the neighborhood?” “No,” said Nasrudin proudly.”He ...

Nasrudin heard a knock at his door one night. He opened the door, and the man standing there said, “Mullah, can you help a brother out and provided me with some shelter for the night. I am God’s nephew.” “Oh, is that so?” asked Nasrudin. “It surely is,” the man replied. “Well then,” remarked Nasrudin, “for an ...

“This is a lesson in logic,” said the old professor in the teahouse. “If the show starts at nine and dinner is at six and my son has the measles, and my brother drives a Cadillac, how old am I?” “You are eighty-four,” replied Mulla Nasrudin promptly. “Right,” said the professor. “Now tell the rest here ...

Invited out for a drink with his friends following a lodge meeting, Mulla Nasrudin said he had to hurry home. “I can’t join you,” he said, “I have to go home and explain to my wife.” “Explain what?” one of his friends asked. “I don’t know,” said Nasrudin, “I am not home yet.”

It seemed that every time Mulla Nasrudin met his lawyer, he had some added legal fees. It worried the Mulla to the point of ulcers. Then one day, he met his lawyer in the post office and said, “Nice day, isn’t it? And remember, I am telling you, not asking you, sir.”

Mulla Nasrudin got arrested for stealing a hog. The trial was short and sweet. There was no concrete evidence against the Mulla, so the judge dismissed the case against him. But for some reason the Mulla seemed not to understand. “The case is dismissed,” the judge said, “It is over. You are acquitted. You can go.” ...

Mulla Nasrudin and one of his friends were sitting under the bridge, listening to the holiday traffic passing overhead. “I hate holidays,” said the friend. “Yes,” said Nasrudin, “It makes you feel so common when nobody’s working. ”

The new man in town told Mulla Nasrudin, “I have come out here to make an honest living.” “Well,” said the Mulla, “there’s not much competition.”

Mulla Nasrudin was watching youngsters put on a horse show. He said to a bystander, “It’s terrible the way they dress today. Just look at that young boy with the cigarette, sloppy haircut, and tight breeches.” “That is not a boy,” said the other. “It’s a girl and she’s my daughter.” “Oh, excuse me, Sir,” said ...

Friend: “Nasrudin, how does one become wise?” Nasrudin: “Listen attentively to wise people when they speak. And when someone is listening to you, listen attentively to what you are saying!”

The local imam invited Nasrudin over for dinner one night. Nasrudin, not having eaten much that day, was famished when he got there, and eager to eat as soon as possible. After two hours, sermonizing about a variety of spiritual topics the imam had yet to offer his starving guest any food. As Nasrudin grew more impatient with ...

“Darling,” said the young woman, ”I could die for your sake.” “You are always promising that,” said Mulla Nasrudin, “but you never do it.”

As Nasrudin entered a foreign town, a border guard stopped him and demanded, “You must identify yourself before we can let you in.” Nasrudin took out a pocket mirror, looked into it, and remarked, “Yes, that is Nasrudin.”

The PTA meeting became rather spirited as the question of male versus female teachers was discussed. “I say women make the best teachers,” said one large and noisy woman. “Where would man be if it were not for women?” “In the garden of Eden eating watermelon and taking it easy,” shouted Mulla Nasrudin from the back. ...

Mulla Nasrudin used to say: “If you want your wife to pay close attention to what you are saying, whisper it to another woman in a low voice.”

Mulla Nasrudin visited his psychiatrist. Among the many questions the doctor asked was, “Are you bothered by improper thoughts?” “Not at all,” replied Nasrudin. “The truth is I rather enjoy them.”

Mulla Nasrudin and his wife were arguing. “I was a fool when I married you,” said the wife. “I guess you were,” replied Nasrudin, “but I was so infatuated at the time, I didn’t notice it.”

A college freshman was talking about girls with Mulla Nasrudin. “Which would you advise me to do? Marry a sensible girl or a beautiful girl, Mulla?” he asked. “I don’t think you will be able to marry either,” said the Mulla. “Why not?” asked the freshman. “It’s logical,” said Nasrudin. “A beautiful girl could do better ...

Mulla Nasrudin’s wife was upset and confided to her maid. “Do you know,” she said, “I suspect my husband is having an affair with the cook.” “Oh,” cried the maid. “You can’t believe that. You are just saying that to make me jealous.”

A neighbor gave the starving Mulla Nasrudin a sandwich, then asked him, “Haven’t you been able to find work?” “Yes, there is plenty of work,” said the Mulla, “but everybody wants a reference from my last employer.” “Can’t you get one?” she asked. “No,” said Nasrudin. “He has been dead twenty years.”

Mulla Nasrudin was being considered as a juror in a murder trial. The attorney for the defense was challenging prospective jurors. He questioned Mulla Nasrudin, “Are you married or single?” “Married for ten years,” said the Mulla. “Have you formed or expressed an opinion?” asked the attorney. “Not for ten years,” replied Nasrudin.

Mulla Nasrudin was stabbed by burglars. But before dying he wrote a note to his wife from the hospital. The last paragraph read, “I have been very lucky because only yesterday I put all of my money and negotiable bonds in my safety deposit box at the bank, so that I am losing practically nothing ...

Mulla Nasrudin was in an accident and sued the insurance company for $1,000, and won his case. When he received his check; he called on his lawyer to settle up. “How much do I owe you?” he asked the lawyer. “Well,” said the lawyer, “I will tell you how it is. Since I am an ...

A man noticed Nasrudin digging a hole, and asked him about it. The Mullah’s reply was, “I buried something in this field last month, and I’ve been trying to find it all morning.” “Well,” said the other, “did you have some kind of marking system for it.” Nasrudin said, “Of course I did! When I was burying it, ...

Mulla Nasrudin and his wife were gossiping about the recent wedding scandal. “Just think,” said the wife, “it was just as the bride was coming down the aisle that the groom suddenly turned and ran from the church and skipped town. I guess he lost his nerve.” “Oh, I don’t think so,” said the Mulla. ...

A man climbed up a tall tree then discovered the trip down wasn’t as easy as the trip up. In fact, try as he might, he just couldn’t figure a way to get down safely. He asked a few passers-by for help, but no one knew what to do, so he was stuck. Then Nasrudin walked by ...

One day, the Mulla was talking to a man from another town. The man lamented, “I am rich, but I am also sad and miserable. I have taken my money and am traveling in search of joy. But alas, I have not found it.” The Mulla grabbed the man’s bag and ran off with it. The ...

A local man was proclaiming that no one could trick him. Nasrudin heard this, and said to him one day, “Just wait here for a while, and I’ll figure out how to trick you.” The man waited and waited and waited. A merchant from across the street noticed him, and asked, “What are you waiting here ...

A young lady went to old Mulla Nasrudin for advice. She asked, “Should I marry a fellow who lies to me?” “Yes, unless you want to remain unmarried forever,” said Nasrudin.

Mulla Nasrudin was complaining about the slowness of the bus to the driver. After he couldn’t stand the complaining any longer, the driver said, “If you don’t like it, why don’t you get out and walk?” “I would,” said the Mulla, “But my wife is going to meet me and she doesn’t expect me until ...

Mulla always said, “Oh, well, it might have been worse.” One day an friend stopped him and said, “I dreamed last night that I died, went to hell, and was doomed to everlasting torment.” “Oh, well,” said Nasrudin, “it might have been worse.” “What do you mean, Mulla!” cried the man. “How could it have been ...

Mulla Nasrudin came home and was told by his wife that the cook had quit. “Again?” moaned the Mulla. “What was the matter this time?” “You were!” said his wife. “She said you used insulting language to her over the phone this morning.” “Good grief! ” said Nasrudin. “I am sorry, I thought I was ...

Mulla Nasrudin was milking a cow, when suddenly a bull tore across the meadow toward him. The Mulla didn’t move, but kept on milking. Several men watching from the next field were surprised when the bull stopped abruptly, just a few yards from the Mulla. He then turned around and walked away. “Were you not afraid, ...

In the middle of a chit-chat session with her friends, Nasrudin’s wife remarked, “My husband always acts like he knows everything.” Then as she and her friends discussed the matter, Nasrudin walked in asked the ladies what they were talking about. “Oh,” his wife said, “we were just talking about bread baking.” “Well,” Nasrudin replied, “then it ...

The editor tried hard to read Mulla Nasrudin’s handwriting. “Mulla, this handwriting is so bad I can hardly read it,” he said. “Why didn’t you type out these poems before you brought them in?” “Type them!” cried Nasrudin. “Do you think for a moment that if I could type, I would be wasting my time ...

When Mulla Nasrudin died, his wife decided to have him cremated. The attendant at the crematory showed his widow a display of beautifully decorated urns for his ashes. “No,” she said. “I don’t want any of those things. I want you to put his ashes in an hour glass. I am going to put it ...

Mulla Nasrudin’s family was upset because the girl he was planning to marry was an atheist. “We’ll not have you marrying an atheist,” his mother said. “What can I do? I love her,” the young Nasrudin said. “Well,” said his mother, “if she loves you, she will do anything you ask. You should talk religion to her. If ...

The young lady’s hopes had been high for two years while Mulla Nasrudin remained silent on the question of marriage. Then one evening he said to her, “I had a most unusual dream last night. I dreamed that I asked to marry you. I wonder what that means.” “That means,” said his girlfriend, “that you ...

Mulla Nasrudin’s mule kicked his wife in the head and she died. A huge crowd turned out for the funeral, most of them men. The minister following the ceremonies, said, “This lady must have been very popular. Look at the large number of people who have left their work to come to her funeral.” “They ...

The hay wagon had upset in the road and the young driver, Mulla Nasrudin, was terribly worried about it. A kindhearted farmer told the young fellow to forget his troubles and come in and have some supper with his family. “Then we will straighten up the wagon,” the farmer said. The Mulla said he didn’t think ...

One day, Nasrudin slipped and nearly fell into a lake, but was caught, and saved from a soaking, by his friend walking next to him. From then on, every time Nasrudin saw that friend, the latter brought up the incident, and make a big deal about it. After months of this Nasrudin couldn’t take it any more. ...

One day, Nasrudin’s beloved donkey dropped dead. Greatly saddened, Nasrudin decided to make a grave for it and give it a formal burial and ceremony. As he cried at the gravesite over the loss of his beloved donkey, someone noticed him and asked, “Who is buried there?” Embarrassed to admit it was his donkey, he replied, “A ...

A very old Nasrudin was lying on his bed, about to die at any moment. He said to his wife, “Why are you dressed in black and looking so sorrowful? Go put on your finest clothes, fix up your hair, and smile!” “Nasrudin,” she tearfully responded, “how can you ask me to do such a thing? ...

Nasrudin sat near a grave in the cemetery, grieving and lamenting. “Oh, why, why did he have to leave me so soon!” A man noticed Nasrudin crying, and wanted to comfort him. He asked, “Is this your son’s grave that you are crying over?” Nasrudin replied, “No, this is the grave of my wife’s first husband. He ...

Boarding a train, Nasrudin was asked for his ticket by the conductor. Nasrudin looked through his pants pockets, but he couldn’t find it. “One moment,” he said. “I know I brought it.” He searched his bag, and still couldn’t find it. He searched the floor around him, and the missing ticket still eluded him. He even ...

Nasrudin was in a rush one day, and quickly went to the Mosque for an evening prayer session. The religious leader saw his rushed prayer, and angrily said to him, “This is not right—you offering such hurried prayers. Start over again.” So Nasrudin complied, and when he finished, the religious leader said, “Now, don’t you think ...

A conqueror headquartered in Nasrudin’s city was looking for how to end a rebellion that had begun in one of the nearby towns he ruled. “The people have risen against the governor,” one of his officials explained. “They say they have had enough of his oppressive rule.” “We should send troops and weapons to quell the disorder,” ...

Mulla Nasrudin bought one of those new hearing aids that is practically invisible. He was told that he could return it if it didn’t prove twice as good as the cumbersome device he had been using. He stopped by a few days later to express his satisfaction with the new device. “I bet your family ...

A well-known dead-beat caught Mulla Nasrudin on the street one day before the Mulla could duck. “I am really in a jam and need money,” he said to the Mulla, “and I have not any idea where I am going to get some.” “I am sure glad to hear that,” said Nasrudin. “I was afraid ...

The young lady became angry with her boyfriend, Mulla Nasrudin, and said, “You are a perfect dope!” “Don’t try flattery,” said Nasrudin. “None of us is perfect!”

“That pain in your leg is caused by old age,” the doctor told Mulla Nasrudin. “That can’t be,” replied the Mulla. “The other leg is the same age and doesn’t hurt a bit.”

Mulla Nasrudin, celebrating his 95th birthday was asked by a friend: “Don’t you hate growing old, Mulla?” “Heck, no,” said Nasrudin. “If I wasn’t growing old, I’d be dead.” A newspaper reporter was interviewing Mulla Nasrudin on his 99th birthday. As he was shaking hands to leave, he said, “I hope I can come back next ...

Mulla Nasrudin was talking with his neighbor over the back fence. “Wasn’t that something,” said the neighbor, “the way Maria’s stove exploded last night? The explosion blew her and her husband right out of the front door into the street! ” “Yes, ” said the Mulla. “That’s the first time they have gone out together in ...

As a fortune teller, Mulla was reading the palm of a friend. He said, “You will be poor and unhappy and miserable until you are sixty.” “Then what?” asked the man. “Hopefully, by that time,” said Nasrudin, “you will be used to it.”

Mulla Nasrudin’s wife played bridge wisely and according to the rules. Mulla Nasrudin boasted of knowing no rules. However, one evening, he bid and made a grand slam, doubled and redoubled. Excitedly he said to his wife, “See, you thought I couldn’t do it!” “Well, darling,” said his wife, “You couldn’t have, if you’d played ...

Mulla Nasrudin had just returned a sheaf of poems to the budding young poet. “Do you think it would help if I put more fire into my poetry, Sir?” the young man asked Nasrudin. “No,” said the Mulla. “I would recommend the reverse.”

A policeman stopped drunk Mulla Nasrudin, and said to him, “Do you know who I am?” “I can’t say that I do,” said Nasrudin, “But if you will tell me where you live, I will help you home.”

The bus was crowded when the little old lady got on, and Mulla Nasrudin stood up. She pushed the Mulla back gently and said, “No, thanks.” Nasrudin tried to rise again and she pushed him back a second time. Finally, Nasrudin said to her, “Please let me get up, lady, I am two blocks past ...

Mulla Nasrudin was coming to after a serious operation. He was just conscious enough to feel the softness of the comfortable bed, and the warmth of gentle hands on his forehead. “Where am I?” he asked. “In Heaven?” “No,” said his wife, “I am still right here with you.”

Mulla and his young son were driving in the country one winter. It was snowing. It grew late. They finally reached a farmhouse and were welcomed for the night. The house was cold, and the attic they were to sleep in was like an icebox. Stripping to his underwear, the Mulla jumped into a featherbed ...

Mulla Nasrudin and one of his friends were lying on the green grass beside a country road. Above them was the warm sun. Birds were singing in the trees. It was quiet, restful, and a peaceful scene. “Boy,” said the Mulla, “right now I would not change places with anybody not for a million dollars.” ...

“How old are you, Mullah?” “Forty.” “But you said that two years ago when I asked.” “That’s right. I always stand by my word!”

Mulla Nasrudin kept begging the noted pianist to play. “Well, all right, since you insist,” he said. “What shall I play?” “Anything you like,” said Nasrudin. “It’s only to annoy the neighbors.”

Mulla’s wife received a beautiful skunk coat as a birthday gift from her husband. “Why,” she said with excitement, “I just can’t understand how a beautiful coat like that could possibly come from such a miserable evil-smelling little beast.” “Well,” said Nasrudin, “I did not exactly expect any gratitude from you, but I do think I ...

Mulla Nasrudin was talking to his lawyer about having his will revised. The lawyer asked him: “What’s to be different about this will?” “Oh,” said Nasrudin, “I am leaving everything to my wife on the condition that she marries again. I want somebody to be sorry I died.”

Two burglars worked as a team. One stayed outside as lookout, while the other robbed the house. One night, when the inside man returned, his buddy said, “How much did you get?” “Nothing,” the other said. “This is the house of Mulla Nasrudin.” “Then how much did you lose?” said his buddy.

Nasrudin snuck into someone’s garden and began putting vegetables in his bag. The owner saw him and shouted, “Hey, what are you doing in my garden?” “The wind blew me here,” Nasrudin confidently responded. “Well then,” said the other. “Can explain how those vegetables were pulled out from my garden?” “Oh, that’s simple,” Nasrudin explained. “I had to ...

The editor of the local newspaper was beside himself. He asked to Mulla, “What are we going to do for our front page tonight? Nothing scandalous has happened in town for almost twenty-four hours!” “Take it easy,” said Nasrudin. “Something will happen. You shouldn’t lose faith in human nature, sir.”

Mulla Nasrudin was on his first ocean voyage, and was deathly ill. Trying to comfort him, the steward said, “Don’t be so down-hearted, Sir, I have never heard of anyone dying of sea-sickness.” “Oh, don’t tell me that,” moaned Nasrudin. “It has only been the hope of dying that has kept me alive.”

Mulla Nasrudin and his friend were talking about their wives. “My wife is very touchy,” said the friend. “The least little thing I do sets her off.” “You are lucky,” said Nasrudin. “Mine is a self-starter.”

Nasrudin went to the mayor’s palace one day wearing a fancy turban. “Wow!” said the mayor, “What a magnificent turban! I’ve never seen anything like it. How much will you sell it for?” “A thousand dollars,” Nasrudin calmly replied. A local merchant turned to the mayor and remarked, “That price definitely exceeds the market value of comparable ...

A preacher was being entertained at dinner, and the other guests were praising his sermon. One them turned to Mulla Nasrudin, who was at the talk, but had remained silent, and asked, “Mulla, what did you think of the sermon?” “Oh, it was all right,” said Nasrudin, “Only he passed up three real good places ...

Mulla Nasrudin was introduced as the man who had just made $800,000 in an oil deal in Oklahoma. In response, the Mulla said, “it was not an oil deal, it was a real estate deal. It was not Oklahoma, but Virginia. I am sorry, but the man had his figures mixed up. It was not $800,000, ...

Nasreddin Hodja visited a town on some personal business. It was a frigid winter night when he arrived. On the way to the inn a vicious looking dog barked at him. Hodja bent down to pick up a stone from the street to throw at the animal. He could not lift it, for the stone ...

A man in the upstairs apartment yelled to Mulla Nasrudin downstairs, “If you don’t stop playing that clarinet, I will go crazy.” “Too late now,” said Nasrudin. “I stopped an hour ago, sir.”

A mechanic sold a car he had fixed up and repaired to his friend, Mulla Nasrudin. The next day he was sorry he sold it, so he went to see the Mulla. “I will buy the car back from you,” he said, “and give you fifty dollars’ profit.” So Nasrudin sold him the car. The ...

“Everybody has something to be thankful for,” the minister said to Mulla Nasrudin, who had just told his tales of his woe. “Look at the man across the —he just lost his wife in an automobile accident.” “Yes,” said Nasrudin, “But everybody can’t be that lucky, sir.”

>Tamerlane was looking for someone to teach his donkey to talk. Nobody wanted the job. Finally the wise men of the dunes, Hodja Nasreddin, took the position, and promised to teach the donkey to talk in ten years’ time. “Are you crazy?” his friends asked him. “Not really,” Hodja answered. “The money is good, the ...

Mulla Nasrudin was sitting under a tree chatting with a neighbor, when his boy came up the road carrying a chicken. “Where did you get that chicken?” Nasrudin asked his boy. “Stole it,” said the boy. Mulla Nasrudin turned to his friend and said proudly, “That’s my boy. He may steal, but he won’t lie.” ...

A visiting Emperor ate a meal of sheep meat in Nasrudin’s restaurant. When the Emperor finished his meal, he asked Nasrudin how much to pay. “Fifty dollars,” Nasrudin confidently responded. Surprised to hear such a high figure, the Emperor exclaimed, “Wow that is very expensive. Are sheep rare in this part of town?” “No, not really,” Nasrudin replied. ...

The town’s new conqueror said to Nasrudin one day, “Hey Mulla, I have a challenge for you. Offend me in a way that your explanation will be a thousand times worse than the original offense.” The next day, Nasrudin came to the palace, and kissed the conqueror right on the lips. “What was that!” exclaimed the ...

“You don’t love me any more,” said Mulla Nasrudin’s wife through her tears. “When you see me crying, you never ask why.” “I am sorry, Darling,” said Nasrudin, “but that sort of question has already cost me an awful lot of money.”

Mulla Nasrudin was drinking too much. So much that it began to worry his friends. Finally, they figured out a plan to cure him. The plan was for one of them to dress up like a devil, with horns and a pitchfork. They planned to scare the Mulla into giving up drink. Late one night, ...

Nasrudin was hired to deliver seven donkeys to a neighboring town. As he went on his way, however, his mind began to wander. Minutes later, he checked to see if all the donkeys were still there. “One, two, three, four, five, six,” he counted. Somewhat worried, he counted again. “One, two, three, four, five, six.” Now ...

Nasrudin was digging outside, and his neighbor asked him, “What are you working on?” “Well,” Nasrudin replied, “There’s a lot of excess dirt on the road, so I’m digging a hole to bury it in.” “But what are you going to do with the dirt that you’re digging out of this new hole?” said the neighbor. “Hey,” Nasrudin ...

“This sure is a lousy party,” a cocktail party guest said to Mulla, who was next to him. “I am going to finish this drink and then get out of here.” “I would too,” said Mulla, “but I have got to stay. I am the host.”

The village mayor wrote a poem and read it to Nasrudin. “Did you like the poem?” he asked. “No, not really,” Nasrudin replied, “it wasn’t very good.” The mayor was enraged, and he sentenced Nasrudin to three days in jail. The next week, the mayor called Nasrudin in his office to read him another poem he had ...

A philosopher made an appointment with Nasrudin, to have a scholarly discussion. When the day came, the philosopher dropped by Nasrudin’s house as planned. However, Nasrudin wasn’t home. The philosopher angrily took his pencil out of his pocket, wrote “Asshole” on Nasrudin’s door, and then left. When Nasrudin finally came home he saw this, and realized ...

A friend gave a bottle of cheap liquor to Mulla Nasrudin as a birthday present. Later he asked the Mulla how it was. “It was just exactly right,” said the Mulla. “What do you mean just right?” asked the friend. “Well,” said Nasrudin, “If it had been any better you wouldn’t have given it to me, ...

Mulla Nasrudin’s wife used to give the Mulla a regular inspection every night when he came home. Every hair she discovered on his coat would be cause for a terrible scene. One evening, when she didn’t find a single hair, she screamed at him, “Now you are even running after bald-headed women!”

Mulla Nasrudin came home about midnight and threw himself on the couch in the living room. This woke his wife up, and she stuck her head out the bedroom door and said, “Well, you finally came home. I guess you found that your home is the best place to be this time of the night.” “Not ...

Judge Nasrudin was presiding over a case. The plaintiff went first and exclaimed, “The defendant refuses to pay his restaurant bill!” “I would have,” the defendant countered, “but he charged me two hundred dollars for three hard-boiled eggs!” “Is this true?” Nasrudin asked the plaintiff. “Well,” the other replied, “as I explained to him earlier, those eggs ...

Nasrudin, knowing his son was looking for a wife, asked him what type of wife he wanted. “One who is intelligent and expressive,” the latter replied. “OK,” replied Nasrudin, “I’ll help you find such a woman.” So Nasrudin led his son to the town square. In front of all the people he slapped his son, and ...

A man was caught in a river current, hanging on to some rocks in order to avoid being carried away. Nasrudin and a friend noticed this. The friend extended his arm, and said, “Give me your hand so I can help you out.” The man, however, did not cooperate. Nasrudin then asked the man what he did ...

One night, a thief broke into Nasrudin’s house and began putting items in a sack. Nasrudin then joined him and added a few things. The thief was so bewildered he turned to Nasrudin and asked, “What in the world are you doing?” “Well,” Nasrudin replied, “I thought we were moving, so I decided I’d help pack.”

As Nasrudin and a friend walked, it suddenly began raining hard. The friend noticed that Nasrudin was carrying an umbrella, and said, “Open your umbrella to prevent us from getting soaked.” “No,” said Nasrudin, “that won’t do us much good. This umbrella is full of holes.” “So then why did you bring it?” the friend curiously asked. “Well,” ...

Mulla Nasrudin approached a genteel-appearing, elderly man with his tale of woe and a request for assistance. The old gentleman refused him, saying, “I am sorry, my friend, I have no money, but I can give you some good advice.” The Mulla said in a disgusted tone, “No thanks, if you don’t have any money, I ...

A local religious leader was not fond of Nasrudin. However, one night not wishing to walk home alone, he decided to join Nasrudin walking back to their neighborhood. Reaching a steep section of road, the religious leader looked up and said, “Great God—surely you have made this path steeper to punish my companion for his not-so-exemplary ...

Some of Nasrudin’s acquaintances wanted to get Nasrudin to kill his biggest goat and invite them for a meal. So one day they told him, “Did you hear the news?” “No, what is it?” Nasrudin replied. “The world is coming to an end tomorrow!” the friend said. Upon hearing this, Nasrudin invited them all to dinner that ...

A young playwright gave a special invitation to Mulla Nasrudin to watch his new play. The Mulla came to the play, but slept through the entire performance. The young playwright was indignant and said, “How could you sleep when you knew how much I wanted your opinion?” “Young man,” said Nasrudin, “sleep is an opinion.” ...

His neighbor asked the Hodja, “Do you have any thirty-year old vinegar?” “I have,’ answered the Hodja. “Would you give me some? I need it to prepare a medication,” said the man. “No, I won’t,” replied the Hodja. “Why not?” asked the man. “Well, it’s just the principal of the matter,” replied the Hodja. “What principle?” asked the man. “The principle that ...

“Why don’t you stop picking on me?” said Mulla Nasrudin to his wife. “I try to do everything possible to make you happy.” “There’s one thing you haven’t done that my first husband did to make me happy,” she said. “What’s that?” asked the Mulla. “He dropped dead,” she said.

“You need more recreation and relaxation,” said Mulla to his overworked friend. “But I’m too busy,” said the friend. “That’s silly,” replied Nasrudin. “Ants have the greatest reputation for being busy all the time, yet they never miss an opportunity to attend a picnic.”

Mulla Nasrudin thought he was going to die with a toothache. He asked his friend, “What can I do to relieve the pain?” “I will tell you what I do,” his friend said. “When I have a toothache, or a pain, I go over to my wife, and she puts her arms around me, and ...

Mulla Nasrudin’s son, studying political science, asked his father, “Dad, in politics what’s a traitor?” “Any man who leaves our party, and goes over to the other party is a traitor,” he replied. “Well, what about a man who leaves his party and comes over to yours?” asked the young man. “He’d be a convert, son,” ...

Mulla Nasrudin was obviously envious of the rich man who just gave him a dollar. “You have no reason to envy me,” said the rich man. “Even if I do look prosperous. I have my troubles, too, you know.” “You probably have plenty of troubles,” said Nasrudin, “But the difference is, I’ve got nothing else, sir.”

“When I was broke,” Mulla Nasrudin told his neighbor, “Harry offered to lend me $1000.” “Did you take it?” his neighbor asked. “No,” said Nasrudin. “That kind of friendship is too valuable to lose.”

A young man had just passed his examination for his private pilot’s license. He wanted to show off, and persuaded the Mulla Nasrudin to go up with him. When they landed, the Mulla said: “Thanks for the two rides.” “What do you mean, two rides, Uncle?” asked the young man. “You had only one.” “Oh no,” ...

Mulla, carrying a chair, walked approached the owner of a secondhand store, and asked how much it was worth. “Three dollars,” said the secondhand dealer. The Mulla seemed surprised. “Isn’t it worth more than that?” he said. “Three dollars is the limit,” the owner said. “See that? Where the leg is split, and  here where the ...

Mulla Nasrudin called on the minister and told him a distressing story of poverty and misery in the neighborhood. “This poor widow,” said the Mulla, “with four starving children to feed, is sick in bed with no money for the doctor, and besides that she owes $100 rent for three months and is about to ...

The election was being challenged by the defeated candidate, Mulla Nasrudin. “I know it was crooked,” said the Mulla. “A friend of mine voted for me fifteen times in the third precinct and I didn’t get but four votes there.”

Several of the town’s warriors were boasting about a recent battle. One of them exclaimed, “In the midst of the battle, several knives had stabbed me in my legs and arms, but I continued fighting and took out five of their men!” “Well,” another warrior chimed in, “I had an axe go right into my leg, ...

Mulla Nasrudin’s wife woke him up one morning and said, “Honey, wake up. Today is our 42nd wedding anniversary. I think we ought to celebrate. What do you say we kill a chicken?” The Mulla looked at her and said, “Why in the world do you want to punish a poor chicken for something that ...

One day, a barber was trimming the mayor’s beard at the village palace. After finishing he remarked, “Your beard is starting to turn gray.” The mayor, enraged to hear this, ordered that the barber be put in jail for one year. He then turned to a court attendant and asked, “Do you see any gray in ...

Nasrudin’s friend was always worried and distressed over everything. One day he asked Nasrudin advice, “What should I do—I get up early every morning, and it is so dark that time after time I bump into something and hurt myself badly?” Nasrudin replied, “Get up later in the morning.”

“What are you doing under the bed?” asked Mulla’s wife. “It’s all the lightning and thunder,” said the Mulla. “And I don’t want to get struck by lightning.” “That’s silly,” said his wife. “If lightning is going to strike you, it will strike you no matter where you are.” “But, if it is going to strike me, ...

A philosoper asked Mulla, “I have been traveling, researching, and contemplating for years, trying to determine when the end of the world will be—yet I still have not found out the answer. Do you know when the end of the world will be?” “Yes, I have known that information for a long time,” replied Nasrudin.”When I ...

Nasrudin walked into a shop one day, and the owner came forward to serve him. Nasrudin said, “First things first. Did you see me walk into your shop?” “Of course.” “Have you ever seen me before?” “Never.” “Then how do you know it was me?”

Mulla Nasrudin was in the hospital because he had been injured in a fight. A visiting preacher said to him, “I am going to pray so you will forgive your enemy for hitting you with a brick,” “It might be better,” said Nasrudin, “if you wait until I get out of here, and then pray for ...

“Stand up if you want to go to heaven,” shouted the preacher. Everybody stood up except old Mulla Nasrudin. “Don’t you want to go to heaven, brother?” asked the preacher. “Yes, sir,” said Nasrudin, “But I’m not going on any group excursion!”

“You ought to stand on your two feet and show your wife who is running things at your house,” a big, bossy fellow said to his friend, Mulla Nasrudin. “There is no need to,” said Nasrudin, “She already knows.”

New neighbors moved in next door. “They seem like a most devoted couple,” said Mulla’s wife. “Every time he leaves for work she comes out on the porch, and he hugs and kisses her. Why don’t you do that?” “Me?” said Mulla. “I should say not. I haven’t even been introduced to her yet.”

The doctor was giving some bad news to Mulla Nasrudin about his wife. “This is a serious case,” the doctor said. “I hate to tell you, but your wife’s mind is gone, completely gone.” “Well, I’m not surprised,” said Nasrudin. “She’s been giving me a little piece of it every day for fifteen years.”

While having breakfast one morning Mulla Nasrudin’s wife read the shocking  announcement of her own death in the newspaper. She phoned Mulla Nasrudin who was out of town on business, and remarked, “Have you read the morning paper, Mulla? And, did you see the announcement of my death?” “Yes,” said Nasrudin. “Where are you calling from?”

Mulla Nasrudin’s wife was in the hospital on her deathbed. Just before passing away, she said to her husband, “Darling, I have only one regret as I pass on. I hate to leave you behind in all your loneliness. I just want you to know if you ever wish to remarry, you have my consent. ...

A shopkeeper asked Mulla Nasrudin, “Have you ever been offered work?” “Only once Lady,” said Nasrudin. “Aside from that, I have met with nothing but kindness.”

“This tool is so useful, and so advanced,” said the salesman, “it will cut your work in half.” “Excellent,” said Mulla Nasrudin, “I will take two of them.”

Mulla Nasrudin was complaining about his wife to a friend. “I don’t know what I am going to do about her,” he said. “She has the worst memory in the world.” “You mean she forgets everything?” asked his friend. “Heck, no,” said Nasrudin. “she remembers everything.”

As usual, Mulla Nasrudin showed up for supper with dirty hands and face. “Go wash up,” his wife screamed at him. “Night after night I tell you. And night after night you always come to the table without washing. Why don’t you ever do it without my shouting at you?” “Well,” said the Mulla, “It’s always ...

One day, Nasrudin went to the local doctor and told him, “Every night for the past month and a half, I’ve dreamt I have wrestling matches with donkeys.” The doctor gave Nasrudin a herb and said, “Eat this, and your dreams will go away.” “Can I start taking them tomorrow?” Nasrudin asked. “Why?” the doctor inquired. “Because I’m scheduled ...