Most of us were introduced to stories of Mullah Nasr-Eddin through Gurdjieff’s own writings. There he is frequently cited as a traditional source of philosophy, wisdom and wit. Not always the sage, he’s often also portrayed as a fool or the butt of a joke. Mullah stories and anecdotes come in a wide variety, and date back to 13th century Turkey. Variants of his name include: Hodja, Nasrudin, Nasreddin, Nasser-Eddin, Mullah, Mulla, The Mulla, etc.

Finding and exchanging Mullah stories is especially good work for the more introverted of us.

  • A Dependable Standard
    At a gathering where the Hodja was present, people were discussing the merits of youth and old age. They had all agreed that, a man’s strength decreases as years go by. The Hodja dissented. “I don’t agree with you gentlemen,” he said. “In my old age I have the same strength as I had in the ...
  • A Whack on the Neck
    Nasreddin Hodja visited a certain town on personal business. In the market a man hit him on the neck. Hodja turned around to see who hit him. “Please, forgive me,” said the man. “You appear from behind to resemble someone I hate.” “I don’t think so!” replied Hodja with an aching neck, “We must report ...
  • A Wise Mullah
    One day the Mullah and his wife were in the village buying goods for the feast to be held that week. He saw a man he had counseled to the faith, but who had yet to renounce his infidel Christian ways. The Mullah greeted him with a holy blessing. “I thank you” the infidel replied. “And ...
  • According to Need
    A beggar solicited alms from Hodja. “Are you extravagant?” asked Hodja. “Yes Hodja,” replied the beggar. “Do you like sitting around drinking coffee and smoking?” asked Hodja. “Yes,” replied the beggar. “I suppose you like to go to the baths everyday?” asked Hodja, “…and maybe amuse yourself, even, by drinking with friends?” “Yes I like all those ...
  • Beggar on the Roof
    One day repairing tiles on his roof Hodja faintly heard a knock on his door. “What do you want?” Hodja shouted. “Come down, so I can speak to you,” replied the stranger. Hodja unwillingly and slowly climbed down the ladder. “Well, what’s the important matter? ” “Could you give a little money to me, a poor, reverent ...
  • Big Pot Died
    Hodja borrowed a big pot from his neighbor. When Hodja returned the pot, the neighbor sees a small cooking pot in the bottom. His neighbor asks, “Hodja, What is this?” Hodja replies, “Apparently the large one had been pregnant, and gave birth to this small pot.” The neighbor unquestioningly accepts both big and small pots. Weeks ...
  • Bitten Ear
    When Nasrudin was a magistrate two men came before him. The first man said, “This man has bitten my ear! I demand compensation!” The second man said, “He bit it himself!” Nasrudin withdrew to his chambers, and spent an hour trying to bite his own ear. He succeeded only in falling over and bruising his ...
  • Can You Swim?
    To support himself Nasrudin took a job rowing a ferry across a particularly dangerous river. One day a famous grammarian came to him for help across the river. The water was higher and more dangerous than usual. “T’ain’t been this bad since before I ever was here ’bouts!” said the Mullah. The grammarian bristled at Nasrudin’s ...
  • Cat Tale
    One day Mullah bought 9 pounds of meat, and took it home to his wife, and then returned to work. Immediately, his wife called her friends and prepared a superb dinner. In the evening, Mullah returned for supper, and his wife offered him nothing but bread and onions. He turned to her and said, “But ...
  • Chickens to the Defense
    One day, some other Mullahs complained to Tamerlane about Nasreddin. So Nasreddin took a hen with its chicks to one of Tamerlane’s advisors. The following day, Nasreddin and the other Mullahs were summoned to the palace. After their complaint was heard, the advisor began his defense of Nasreddin. Then Tamerlane asked Nasreddin, “What can you ...
  • Dividing 17 Donkeys
    One day a man in Hodja’s village died, leaving seventeen donkeys for his three sons. According to his will the oldest son would receive one-half of his donkeys, the second one-third, and the youngest one-ninth. When the sons were unable to divide the donkeys according to their father’s wishes, they came to Hodja to resolve ...
  • Donkey on a Diet
    Hodja decided to teach his donkey to eat less during a year of drought. Each day he reduced the amount of feed, until one morning he found the donkey dead. When Hodja started lamenting, his neighbor asked him what was the matter. “I had just taught my donkey to get along without any food,” said ...
  • Dreams in Detail
    Once Mullah woke his wife in the middle of the night and said, “Quick, give me my glasses.” The wife asked, “Why do you need your glasses in the middle of the night?” Mullah replied, “I’m having a very interesting dream, and need to see some of the details that are a bit blurry.”
  • Everyone Who Sees the Light
    Hodja’s wife was pregnant. One night, her labor pains started, and Hodja called the neighbors and the midwife. Soon they called out from his wife’s room and said, “Hodja! You have a son!” He was very happy. A few minutes later the midwife called out again, “Hodja! You also have a girl.” After a little while, ...
  • Frightening Place
    One day a visitor came to Hodja with a question. “Hodja, the place we humans come from, and the place that we go to, what is it like?” “Oh, it is a very frightening place,” said Hodj. “Why do you say that?” the visitor asked. “Well, when we come from there as babies, we are ...
  • Good or Bad?
    One day Hodja’s apprentice said, “Hodja, everyone says you’re good. Does that mean that you really are good?” Hodja replied that this was not necessarily so. The boy then asked whether if everyone said Hodja was bad, would it mean he was bad, and again Hodja replied, “not necessarily.” When the apprentice asked how he could ...
  • Good Swimmer?
    In the old days, men were permitted to have more than one wife. Mullah himself took a second wife who was younger than the first one. One evening he came home to find them quarreling about which of them Mullah loved more. At first, Mullah told them he loved them both, but neither of them was ...
  • He Who Knows
    One day the village teacher told Hodja he intended to travel across the land to seek knowledge. When the man asked what kind of people he should look for, Hodja recalled some wise words he had once heard in the bazaar: He who knows not, and knows not that he knows not, is a fool. Shun ...
  • His Husbandly Duty
    The wise Mullah and his wife heard another mullah proclaiming wisdom. “Allah has seen the infidel, and has seen they are as many as the seeds on the wind. Therefore it is good that we all make children to strengthen the faith. In fact, it is said that Allah builds a mansion in heaven every ...
  • Hodja and Music Lessons
    One day Hodja wished to learn playing the zurna—a kind off shrill pipe, and visited a zurna player. “How much does it cost to learn playing zurna?” asked Hodja. “Three hundred akche (coin) for the first lesson, and one hundred akche for the next lessons,” said the zurna player. “It sounds good,” replied Hodja. “May we start ...
  • Hodja Meets a Tourist
    Nasreddin Hodja made a pilgrimage to Mecca. On the way he passed through Medina. While walking by the main mosque there, a confused-looking tourist approached him. “Excuse me sir,” he said, “but you look like a native of these parts; can you tell me something about this mosque? It looks very old and important, but ...
  • Hodja’s Fart in the Mosque
    One Friday Hodja broke wind by accident in the mosque. It was a clear sound in the middle of the silence, but according to the social rules, the congregation behaved as if nothing had happened. They kept quite and continued to perform the ritual as usual. This mistake made such a painful impression on Hodja ...
  • Hodja’s Head and Feet
    One hot day Hodja lost his donkey and went to market on foot. He was confused, and lost his way to the market, and wandered around all day. Exhausted, he finally went to an inn for a rest, and asked the innkeeper, “Please innkeeper, show me a bed!” When he got into bed he stretched out ...
  • Honored Guest
    One day Mullah Nasreddin went to a banquet. As he was dressed rather shabbily, no one let him in. So he ran home, put on his best robe and returned. Immediately, the host came over, greeted him, and ushered him to the head of an elaborate banquet table. When the food was served, Nasreddin pushed ...
  • How a Donkey Reads
    During a conversation with Tamerlane, Hodja started bragging about his donkey. “He is so smart that I can teach him even how to read,” he said. “Then go ahead and teach him reading. I give you 3 months,” Tamerlane ordered. Hodja went home and began to train his donkey. He put its feed between the pages ...
  • Hunting Bears
    Tamerlane, who enjoyed Hodja’s company, also liked to hunt, so commanded him to accompany him on a bear hunt. Hodja was terrified. When Hodja returned to his village, someone asked him, “How did the hunt go?” “Marvelously.” “How many bears did you see?” “None.” “How could it have gone marvelously, then?” “When you are hunting bears, and ...
  • Idiots
    The Mulla was returning home from the bazaar, where he’d collected quite an assortment of glassware and china to surprise his wife, Fatima. While carrying quite a load, as it turned out, suddenly Mulla’s toe caught on a cobblestone. He stumbled and fell down smack in the middle of the square. Plates, glasses, vases, teacups, ...
  • If Allah is Willing
    Hodja was determined to be decisive and efficient. One day he told his wife he would plow his largest field on the far side of the river, and be back for a big dinner. She urged him to say, “If Allah is willing.” He told her whether Allah was willing or not, that was his ...
  • Let the Thief Be
    There was a time Nasreddin Hodja’s family was very poor. One day his wife woke him in the middle of the night and wispered, “Hodja, There is a thief in the kitchen!” “Shhh… woman!” replied Hodja. “Let him be. Maybe he’ll find something, then we can seize it!”
  • Let Those Who Know…
    As part of his duties as a Mulla, Nasrudin lectured to his community. One day from the pulpit, beginning his speech, he asked his audience, “Do you know what I am about to teach you?” “No,” they responded. “Well then, “Nasrudin said, “Since you don’t have enough background information, there’s no point in my trying to ...
  • Man’s Best Qualities
    One day someone asked Mullah, “What are the best qualities of mankind?” “Well,” he replied, “a philosopher once told me that there are two. He had forgotten the one, but he told me the other. But to tell you the truth, I’ve since forgotten that one, too.”
  • Mortal’s Way
    One day four boys approached Hodja and gave him a bagful of walnuts. “Hodja, we can’t divide these walnuts among us evenly. So would you help us, please?” Hodja asked, “Do you want God’s way of distribution or mortal’s way?” “God’s way” the children answered. Hodja opened the bag and gave two handfuls of walnuts to one ...
  • Mullah and the Goldsmith
    The wise Mullah was not a rich man, but lived next door to a wealthy goldsmith, who was a Jew. That he was a Mullah merited him his place in so wealthy a neighborhood, but it did not make him popular with his neighbors. Every day in the street in front of his house he spread ...
  • Mullah and the Lost Keys
    Late one night,a disciple found the Mullah Nasser Edin, on his hands and knees, searching for something under a lamp post. “What are you looking for?” the disciple asked. “I lost my keys,” replied the Mullah. The disciple joined in the search. After what seemed like hours, he finally asked,”Mullah, are you sure you dropped your ...
  • Mullah and the Will of God
    “May the Will of Allah be done,” a pious man was saying about something or the other. “It always is, in any case,” said Mullah Nasruddin. “How can you prove that, Mullah?” asked the man. “Quite simply. If it wasn’t always being done, then surely at some time or another my will would be done, wouldn’t ...
  • My Master is Out
    Nasrudin called at a large house to collect for charity. The servant said “My master is out.” Nasrudin replied, “Tell your master that next time he goes out, he should not leave his face at the window. Someone might steal it.”
  • Nine Month Journey in Seven Days
    The Hodja’s first wife had recently died. The state of single blessedness was not to the Hodja’s taste. So he decided to marry again. With some help from his neighbors he had no difficulty in finding a suitable widow. Exactly seven days after the wedding the woman gave birth to a baby. The Hodja immediately ran ...
  • Payment at the Turkish Bath
    One day Mullah went to a Turkish bath, but as he was dressed so poorly, the attendants didn’t pay much attention to him. They gave him only a scrap of soap, a rag for a loin cloth and an old towel. When Mullah left, he gave each of the two attendants a gold coin. As ...
  • Priest Who Plays Chess
    In Hodja’s village there was a Greek community with a priest who enjoyed playing chess, but had no one with whom to play. So the priest decided to teach Hodja the rudiments of chess, following which they began a game. At the start he crossed himself, and then checkmated the Hodja after a few moves. ...
  • Questions as Answers
    One day Mullah was asked, “How is it you always answer a question with another question?” “Do I?” he replied.
  • Riding His Donkey Backwards
    One day Nasreddin Hodja was riding his donkey backwards, facing towards its tail. “Hodja,” the people said, “you are sitting on your donkey backwards!” “No,” he replied. “It’s not that I am sitting on the donkey backwards, the donkey’s facing the wrong way.” One day Nasreddin Hodja was riding his donkey backwards, facing towards ...
  • Sandals
    While walking in the village one day several of Nasruddin’s neighbors approached him. “Nasruddin,” they said, “you are so wise and holy! Please take us as your pupils, and teach us how we should live our lives, and what we should do!” Nasruddin paused, then said “Alright, I will teach you the first lesson right now. ...
  • Secret of Longevity
    One day Mullah was asked the secret to longevity. “Keep your feet warm, your head cool, be careful what you eat, and don’t think too much.”
  • Seeking in the Dark
    One day the Hodja lost his ring down in the basement of his house, where it was very dark. There being no chance of his finding it in that darkness, he went out on the street and started looking for it there. Somebody passing by stopped and enquired, “What are you looking for, Hodja Effendi? Have ...
  • Smuggling
    Nasreddin Hodja used to take his donkey across a frontier every day, with the panniers loaded with straw. Since he admitted to being a smuggler when he trudged home every night, the frontier guards searched him again and again. They searched his person, sifted the straw, steeped it in water, even burned it from time ...
  • Tamerlane’s Value
    One day, Tamerlane and Hodja together go to the hamam. While bathing, out of the clear blue, His Highness demands, “If I were a serf for sale, how much would you bid?” Hodja knows neither cowardice nor shyness. First he pretends to ponder. Then with customary slyness, “If you ask me,” he says, “I would bid ...
  • The Burden of Guilt
    Nasreddin Hodja and his wife returned home one day to find their house burgled. Everything had been stolen. “It’s all your fault,” said his wife, “you should have made sure the house was locked before we left.” “You didn’t lock the windows,” said one neighbor. “You should have expected this, the locks were broken, and you ...
  • The Doctor’s Cure
    One day Mullah fell seriously ill. His wife was frightened that Mullah might die, so ran for the doctor. “Oh, Doctor, my husband is gravely ill. We’re very poor and have many children. I’m afraid something might happen to him, and then who will take care of the children?” On hearing the word “poor,” the doctor ...
  • The Donkey’s Word
    A neighbor borrowed his donkey so often that finally, Mullah decided to put a stop to it. One day that neighbor knocked on his door, saying “Mullah, I want to borrow your donkey.” “I’m sorry,” Mullah replied, “but I’ve already lent it out.” As soon as he had spoken, the sound ...
  • The Hodja and the Poisoned Baklava
    Once, while standing in for the village schoolmaster, Hodja was sent a large box of baklava by the parents of one of his students. His mouth watered at the thought of eating them, but he put them away in the drawer of his desk. Shortly afterwards he was called out on urgent business. He left his ...
  • The Interrupted Dream
    Nasreddin Hodja dreamed that someone had counted nine gold pieces into his hand, but Hodja insisted that he would not accept less than ten pieces. While he was arguing with the man over one gold piece, he was awakened by a sudden noise in the street. Seeing that his hand was empty Hodja quickly closed ...
  • The King Spoke to Me
    Nasrudin returned to his village from the imperial capital, and the villagers gathered around to hear what had passed. “At this time,” said Nasrudin, “I only want to say that the King spoke to me.” All the villagers but the stupidest ran off to spread the wonderful news. The remaining villager asked, “What did the ...
  • The Learned Nasreddin
    In olden times some learned men would travel around extensively in search of facts or ideas to support their newly-formed theories. Three such men one day arrived in Aksehir, and calling on the governor, asked him to request the most learned man of the district to be present at the market place the next day, ...
  • The Moon or the Sun?
    Nasrudin walked into a teahouse and claimed, “The moon is more useful than the sun.” “Why?” he was asked. “Because at night we need the light more.”
  • The Perfect Wife
    Mulla Nasrudin was visited by friend excited to speak with him. “I’m getting get married, Mulla,” his friend said, “and I’m very excited! Mulla, have you ever thought of marriage yourself?” Nasrudin replied, “I did think of getting married. In my youth in fact I very much wanted to do so. I waited to find for ...
  • The Quilt is Gone, the Dispute is Ended
    Nasreddin Hodja was awakened in the middle of the night by the cries of two quarreling men in front of his house. He waited a while but they continued fighting, and Hodja couldn’t sleep. Wrapping his quilt around his shoulders, he rushed out to separate the men, who by now had come to blows. But when ...
  • The Smell of Food and the Sound of Money
    One day a poor, hungry man took a dry piece of bread from his pocket, and held it over a hot cauldron of food in an open restaurant window. The dry bread became softer, and he began to eat it. But the restaurant keeper stopped him, demanding a fee for the cauldron’s steam. As the ...
  • The Soup of the Soup of the Hare
    A neighbor visiting Hodja’s house after hunting, brought him a hare as a gift. Delighted, Hodja had the hare cooked into a stew, and shared it with his guest. Presently, however, one countryman after another started to call, each a relative of the man who’d brought the hare. No further presents were forthcoming. Hodja cooked some ...
  • The Warmth of One Candle
    Perhaps Nasr-ed-Din Hodja had been sitting too long in the warm coffee house swapping yarns with his friends. Boasts were growing bigger and bigger. None was bigger than the Hodja’s. “I could stand all night in the snow without any fire to warm me.” “No one could do that!” One of the men shivered as he ...
  • The Ways of God
    One hot day, the Hodja was taking it easy in the shade of a walnut tree. After a time, he started eyeing speculatively, the huge pumkins growing on vines and the small walnuts growing on a majestic tree. “Sometimes I just can’t understand the ways of God!” he mused. “Just fancy letting tiny walnuts grow on ...
  • The Weeping Goatherd
    When the Hodja came to the mosque one day he noticed an unknown goatherd below the speaker’s podium. The man had walked for three hours to attend the service, leaving his goats up in the mountains. While the Hodja preached he noticed how deeply the man was moved. As the sermon progressed the goatherd pulled out ...
  • Thief in the Hammam
    One day Hodja went to a hammam. In order, he took off his turban, fur coat, robe, scimitar, sash, baggy trousers, and his other clothes in the dressing room. He went into the bath. When he later returned to get dressed, he noticed his fur coat was gone. He put on his other clothes and ...
  • Tiger Powder
    One day Mullah Nasreddin was sprinkling some powder on the ground around his house. “Mullah, what are you doing?” a neighbor asked. “I want to keep the tigers away.” “But there are no tigers within hundreds of miles.” “Effective, isn’t it?” Mullah replied.
  • To Keep it Going
    Nasreddin Hodja used to stand in the street on market-days, to be pointed out as an idiot. No matter how often people offered him either a large or a small coin, he always chose the smaller piece. One day a kindly man said to him, “Hodja, you should take the bigger coin. Then you will have ...
  • To Make the People Stop Talking
    One day, Mullah and his son went on a journey. Mullah preferred to let his son ride the donkey while he walked. Along the way, they passed some travelers. “Look at that healthy young boy on the donkey! That’s today’s youth for you! They have no respect for their elders! He rides while his poor ...
  • Turban of Wisdom
    One day an illiterate neighbor brought Hodja a badly scribbled letter to read for him. When Hodja complained that it was illegible the man accused him of being unworthy of the “turban of wisdom” that he wore. Hodja was furious at the insult, so slammed the turban on his neighbor’s head. “Here,” he shouted, “you ...
  • Unaswerable Question
    “There is nothing which cannot be answered by means of my doctrine,” said a monk, coming into the teahouse where Nasrudin sat. “And yet just a short time ago, I was challenged by a scholar with an unanswerable question,” said Nasrudin. “I could have answered it if I had been there,”replied the monk. “Very well,” said Nasrudin, ” ...
  • Whatever You Say
    One day Tamerlane invited Mullah to his palace for dinner. The royal chef prepared, among other things, a cabbage recipe for the occasion. After the dinner, Tamerlane asked, “How did you like the cabbage?” “It was very delicious,” complimented Mullah. “I thought it tasted awful,” said Tamerlane. “You’re right,” added Mullah, “it was very bland.” “But ...
  • Which Road
    One day the Hodja was resting at a crossroad on the edge of the village. A stranger stopped to ask for directions. When Hodja asked which village he was heading for the stranger hesitantly and replied he wasn’t really sure. “Then it doesn’t matter which road you take,” said the Hodja, with the trace of ...
  • Without a Recipe
    Nasrudin was carrying home a piece of liver and the recipe for liver pie. Suddenly a bird of prey swooped down and snatched the piece of meat from his hand. As the bird flew off, Nasrudin called after it, “Foolish bird! You have the liver, but what can you do with it without the recipe?”
  • Woodcutter in the Sahara
    The forester was rather surprised to see such an unlikely figure as Nasrudin applying for a job. “I’ll give you a chance,” he said, “although you don’t look the type who could fell trees. Take this axe and chop down as many trees as you can from that plantation.” After three days Nasrudin reported back ...
  • You’re Right
    When Hodja was a judge a man came to his house to complain about his neighbor. Hodja listened carefully, then said, “My good man, you are right.” The man left happy. A little while later that first man’s neighbor came to see Hodja. He complained about the first man. Hodja listened carefully to him, too, then ...
  • Your Truth
    Tamerlane was disturbed that his subjects were not telling the truth. How could this be corrected? He summoned all the sages he knew of and asked them all how to correct this difficulty. Each of them gave him very learned answers, but each response was complicated and difficult to follow. Perhaps they were pouring from ...
  • Zucchini or Cucumbers
    Mullah Nasser-Eddin was asked, “Who’s better? King Abbas or Safi Ali-Shah?” He answered, “Well, time and time again I ask my donkey, ‘Do you like it better when I load you up with crates of zucchini, or with cucumbers?’ he hasn’t answered me yet, so I don’t know.”

More Mullah Stories…
  • A Bad Fix
    It had been a real big night at the tavern. Mulla Nasrudin had to be carried back to his shack by his friends. When he woke up the next day, he was started to see a huge ape sitting on the foot of his bunk. He carefully reached for his 45. He took careful aim ...
  • A Bird Saved My Life
    Nasrudin was walking through the desert and spotted a foreign holy man. Nasrudin introduced himself, and the holy man said, “I am a mystic devoted to the appreciation of all life forms—especially birds.” “Oh, wonderful,” Nasrudin replied. “I am a Mulla, and I would like to visit with you for a while so we can share ...
  • A Funny Cow
    “Oh, what a funny-looking cow,” the young city-girl said to Mulla Nasrudin. “There are many reasons,” said Nasrudin, “why a cow does not have horns. Some do not grow them until late in life. Others are dehorned. Some breeds are not supposed to have horns. And, this particular cow does not have horns because it ...
  • A Man’s Job
    Mulla Nasrudin was weeping and complaining in a bar. “I don’t have anything to worry about,” he said. “My wife takes care of my money. My mother-in-law tends to my business. All I have left is to work.”
  • Across the River
    Nasrudin was standing near a river. A man on the other side shouted to him, “Hey! How can I get across the river?” “You are across the river!” Nasrudin shouted back.
  • Advice
    A man on the street whom Mulla Nasrudin had asked for a handout advised, “You would stand more chance of getting a job if you would shave and clean yourself up.” “Yes, Sir,” the Mulla said. “I found that out years ago.”
  • Alcohol Tolerance
    Mulla Nasrudin said to a man sitting next to him in a bar, “one drink always makes me drunk.” “Really?” asked the stranger, “only one?” “Yes,” said the Mulla. “And it’s usually the sixth.”
  • All the Amenities
    Mulla Nasrudin was bragging to his friend about his family. “When I go home at night,” he said, “everything is ready for me, my slippers, my pipe, the easy chair in the corner with the light turned on, my book open at the same place I left it the night before… and always plenty of ...
  • Ambitious Plans
    Sitting on his cot in a flophouse Mulla remarked to the fellow on the next cot, “You know, when I was seventeen years old, I made up my mind that nothing would stop me from getting rich.” “Well, how come you never got rich?” his friend asked. “Oh,” said Nasrudin, “By the time I was nineteen, ...
  • Ambitious Son
    Mulla Nasrudin and his neighbor were talking about problems raising their boys. “Is your son very ambitious, Mulla?” asked the neighbor. “Yes,” said Nasrudin, “He has such big ideas about being rich and successful, he’s already beginning to look on me as a sort of poor relation.”
  • Another Universe
    Nasrudin was hanging a picture in his room. He accidentally hammered too hard, and made a big hole in his wall. He looked through it and saw goats on the other side, but didn’t realize it was his neighbor’s yard. He immediately ran to his wife and exclaimed, “Fatima! You’re not going to believe this! Guess ...
  • Are You Asleep?
    Nasrudin was lying on his couch with his eyes closed. His brother-in-law poked him and asked, “Are you asleep?” “Why do you ask?” Nasrudin replied. “I was wondering if you could loan me three hundred dollars,” said the other. “Well,” answered Nasrudin, “let’s go back to you your first question, ‘Am I asleep.’ The answer is yes, I am, so ...
  • Artist
    Mulla Nasrudin was chatting with his master, who had taken up art. “When I look at one of your paintings, Sir,” he said, “all I can do is stand and wonder.” “Wonder how I do it?” asked the master. “No,” said Nasrudin. “Why you do it.”
  • At the Barber Shop
    Mulla Nasrudin climbed into a barber’s chair and asked, “Where’s the barber who used to work on the next chair?” “Oh, that was a sad case,” the barber said. “He became so nervous and despondent over poor business, that one day when a customer said he didn’t want a massage, he went out of his mind ...
  • At the Doctor’s Office
    Every seat in the doctor’s waiting room was taken. Several more people were standing. There was no word from the doctor. Finally, Mulla Nasrudin stood up wearily and said, “Well, I guess I’ll just have to go home and die natural death.”
  • Auctioned Parrot
    Mulla Nasrudin finally won a parrot at an auction after some rather spirited bidding. “I assume the bird talks,” he said to the auctioneer. “Talks?” the auctioneer said. “Who do you think has been bidding against you for the past half hour?”
  • Available Light
    One night, Mulla Nasrudin’s father noticed a light in his barn. He went to see what it was all about and he found Nasrudin with a lantern, all dressed up. “What are you doing all dressed up and with that lantern?” asked his father. “I am going to call on my girlfriend, Dad,” said Nasrudin. ...
  • Bad Dream
    Mulla Nasrudin was telling his wife about a dream he had the night before. “It was terrible,” he said. “I was at a birthday party at Yusef’s house. His mother had baked a chocolate cake three feet high, and when she cut it everybody was given a piece that was so large that it hung ...
  • Best Candidate
    The rival political candidates were scheduled to speak at the county fair on the same program. Mulla Nasrudin was chosen to introduce them. He rose and said, “I want to present to you a man who, above anyone, has the welfare of each and every one of you at heart. More than anyone I know, ...
  • Better Neighborhood
    It was the ‘better part of town’ and the lady who came to the door said to Mulla, “I should think you would be ashamed to beg in this neighborhood.” “Don’t apologize for it, lady,” said Nasrudin, “I have seen worse.”
  • Betting on a Horse
    An acquaintance of Mulla Nasrudin touted a certain horse very, very highly. So Mulla put his money on that horse. The next day, the horse came in last. Mulla found the tipster, and screamed, “Boy, have I got it in for you. That horse you told me to bet on came in dead last!” “Last?” the ...
  • Bill Collectors
    Mulla Nasrudin lived far beyond his means and was constantly hounded by his creditors. But he was so used to them that their presence caused him no distress. In fact, he treated them with the utmost courtesy. Once he even served a bill collector champagne. “If you cannot afford to pay your debts,” the bill ...
  • Blame
    Mulla Nasrudin used to say: “Every man should have at least one wife, because there are somethings that just can’t be blamed on the government.”
  • Boss of the House
    A man said to his friend Mulla Nasrudin: “Who is the boss in your house?” “Well,” said Nasrudin, “my wife assumes command of the children, the servants, the dog and the parakeet. But I say pretty much what I please to the goldfish.”
  • Camel or Man?
    “Nasrudin, which is wiser, camel or man?” asked an acquaintance. “A Camel. Because a camel carries loads and never asks for more, but man, even if he is overwhelmed by responsibility, often chooses to add more,” replied Nasrudin,
  • Can’t Take It With You
    The town’s richest man had died. The next morning, another rich, and particularly miserly, old man said to Mulla Nasrudin, “I wonder how much he left.” Mulla Nasrudin laughed and said, “every cent of it, sir.”
  • Cat Food
    The clerk was waiting on Mulla Nasrudin at the meat counter, when a woman pushed herself ahead of the Mulla and said, “Give me a pound of cat food, quick, I am in a hurry.” Then she turned to the Mulla and said, I hope you don’t mind my pushing ahead of you like this.” “Not ...
  • Charity
    A member of the finance committee called on Mulla Nasrudin. “I am calling about the yearly contribution to the fund for converting the heathen,” he said. “last year you gave a rupee.” “What!” said Nasrudin in surprise “Haven’t you converted them yet?”
  • Children Are a Comfort
    “My wife used to play piano,” a friend told Mulla, “but since the children came, she has not had time to even touch it.” “Children sometimes are a comfort, are they not?” said Mulla.
  • Chip Off the Old Block
    A school teacher wrote a note home to Abdul’s mother, “Dear Mrs. Nasrudin, your son, Abdul, is a smart boy, but he spends all of his time with the girls. I am trying to break him of this habit.” The teacher received this reply, “I wish you success. Please let me know how you do it. ...
  • Cold Day
    It was a cold winter day, and a heavily dressed man noticed Nasrudin outside wearing very little clothing. “Mulla,” the man said, “tell me, how is it that I am wearing all these clothes and still feel a little cold, whereas you are barely wearing anything yet seem unaffected by the weather?” “Well,” replied Nasrudin, “I don’t ...
  • Complaint
    Mulla Nasrudin’s wife complained bitterly to the Mulla. “I am absolutely ashamed of the way we live. Mother pays our rent. My aunt buys our clothes. My sister sends us money for food. I don’t like to complain, but I am ashamed that we cannot do better than that.” “You should be ashamed,” said Nasrudin. “You ...
  • Complaints
    Mulla Nasrudin limped into a doctor’s office with a badly swollen ankle. “Goodness, Man,” said the doctor, after looking at Nasrudin’s ankle, “how long has it been like this?” “About three weeks,” said the Mulla. “Why, this ankle is broken,” said the doctor. “Why didn’t you come see me right away?” “Well, I sort of ...
  • Compliments
    Mulla Nasrudin greeted his neighbor one day… “Good morning,” said the Mulla. “You are looking fine this today.” “I am sorry I can’t say the same thing for you,” said the neighbor. “You could,” said Nasrudin, “If you were as big a liar as I am.”
  • Conscience
    Mulla Nasrudin called a psychiatrist, and told him that he had problems and needed help. “I want to talk to you,” said the Mulla, “because my ethics have not been what they should be, and my conscience is bothering me.” “I understand,” the psychiatrist said, “and you want me to help you build up a stronger ...
  • Cow-on-Cow Homicide
    A neighbor ran into Judge Nasrudin’s room and asked, “If one man’s cow kills another man’s cow, is the owner of the first cow responsible?” “It depends,” Nasrudin cautiously answered. “Well,” said the man, “your cow has killed mine!” “Oh,” answered Nasrudin. “Well, everyone knows that a cow can’t think like a human. So obviously, a cow ...
  • Cowardice
    “What in the world happened at the picnic yesterday?” a fellow asked Mulla Nasrudin. “They are saying around the tavern that you acted like a coward.” “Well, I am no fool,” the Mulla said. “Some of the girls found a big hornet’s nest in the top of a tree and dared me to climb up and ...
  • Critic
    A concertgoer turned to Mulla Nasrudin, sitting next to him, and criticized the voice of the woman who was singing. “What a terrible voice,” he said. “Do you know who she is?” “Yes,” said the Mulla. “She’s my wife.” “Oh,” said the embarrassed guest, “I beg your pardon. Of course, it is not her voice ...
  • Cursing Fine
    After tripping on a rock while walking, Nasrudin angrily yelled out, “Son of a bitch!” Unfortunately, a man who happened to be standing nearby thought the comment was directed towards him, and was so offended that he took Nasrudin to court, much to Nasrudin’s annoyance. When the judge heard the case, he ruled that Nasrudin should pay ...
  • Daughter Eloping
    The young daughter of Mulla Nasrudin heard a tapping on her window in the early hours of the morning. There on a ladder was her boyfriend. Their elopement was going according to plan. “Are you all ready?” her boyfriend asked. “Yes,” whispered the girl, “but don’t talk so loud, you might wake up my father.” ...
  • Dealing With a Drunk
    A drunk on a bus sat next to Mulla Nasrudin. Thinking Mulla to be a preacher from his appearance, and trying to start a conversation, he said, “I ain’t going to heaven. There ain’t no heaven.” The Mulla ignored him. “I say there ain’t no heaven,” said the drunk in a loud voice. The Mulla ...
  • Diagnosis
    “Doctor,” a woman cried, as she rushed into Mulla Nasrudin’s house, “I want you to tell me frankly, exactly what is wrong with me.” Nasrudin looked her over from head to foot, then said, “Madam, I have three things to tell you. First, you are about fifty pounds overweight, Second, your looks would be improved ...
  • Discipline
    “For fifteen years,” a new acquaintance related, “my habits were as regular as clockwork. I rose exactly at six. Half an hour later I was at breakfast. At seven I was at work. I had lunch at one, and supper at six, and was in bed at nine-thirty. I ate only plain food, and didn’t ...
  • Divorce
    “I am going to get a divorce,” a friend told Mulla Nasrudin. “My wife has not spoken to me in three months.” “I’d think twice if I were you,” said the Mulla. “Wives like that are hard to find.”
  • Don’t Wait Up
    Mulla Nasrudin said to his wife, “My dear, this article says women need more sleep than men.” “Is that right? ” she said. “Yes, dear,” said the Mulla, “so maybe you’d better not wait up for me tonight.”
  • Dowry
    A rich farmer had been trying desperately to marry off his daughters. One day he met Mulla Nasrudin. “I have several daughters,” the farmer told the Mulla. “I would like to see them comfortably fixed. And I will say this, they won’t go to their husbands without a little bit in the bank, either. The ...
  • Early Bird Gets the Worm?
    A friend advised, “Nasrudin, you should get up early in the mornings, because ‘the early bird gets the worm.'” “Well,” replied Nasrudin, “I don’t know if getting up early has any merit to me. After all, I am not hunting for worms.” “I thought you might say that.” said the friend. “But listen… A few days ago, ...
  • Efficiency
    Nasrudin was working for an employer who complained to him one day. “You’re doing everything too slowly,” he said. “There’s no reason for you to go to the bazaar three separate times to buy material—you surely can do it all at once.” Then several days later, the employer said to Nasrudin, “I’m sick—get a doctor.” Nasrudin ...
  • Election Bribery
    Mulla Nasrudin was called to testify in an election bribery case. “You say,” asked the judge, “that you were given $10 to vote for the Democrats, and you got another $10 to vote for the Republicans?” “Yes, Sir, Your Honour,” said the Mulla. “And how did you vote?” asked the judge. “Your honor,” said Nasrudin, “I ...
  • Election Counting
    Mulla Nasrudin had lost out in the last election and was feeling sorry for himself. “I was a victim,” he said, “nothing but a victim.” “A victim?, asked a friend. “A victim of what?” “A victim of accurate counting,” said Nasrudin.
  • Embarrassment
    Mulla Nasrudin’s wife said to him at a buffet supper: “That’s the fifth time you have gone back for more fried chicken. Doesn’t it embarrass you?” “Not at all,” he said. “I keep telling them i am getting it for you.”
  • Enough for One Day
    Mulla Nasrudin and his neighbor were chatting. “Yesterday, I took a girl to the soda fountain in the afternoon,” said the neighbor, “and I paid for that. Then I took her to the drive-in for a hot dog and I paid for that. Then I took her to a movie, and I paid for that. ...
  • Ethics
    A traveling scholar treated Nasrudin to a meal at a local restaurant. The scholar ordered two lamb steaks, and after a while, the waiter brought back a platter containing one medium sized steak and one larger one. Nasrudin immediately took the larger steak and put in on his plate. The scholar in total disbelief explained, “What you ...
  • Etiquette
    Mulla Nasrudin went to see his lawyer about a divorce. “What grounds do you think you have for a divorce?” the lawyer asked. “It’s my wife’s manners,” said the Mulla. “She has such bad table manners that she is disgracing the whole family.” “That’s bad,” the lawyer said. “How long have you been married?” “Nine years,” ...
  • Fast Talker
    Mulla Nasrudin and his wife were discussing a neighbor. “I have never heard a man talk so fast in all my life,” said the wife. “That’s not surprising, ” said Nasrudin. “His father was a politician and his mother was a woman. ”
  • Feel at Home
    Mulla Nasrudin had just checked into the hotel. “Welcome,” said the desk clerk. We are going to do everything we can to make you comfortable, and help you to feel at home.” “Please don’t,” said the Mulla. “I left home so I could feel like I am at a beach resort.”
  • Fish Tales
    Mulla Nasrudin, was an avid fisherman. “I notice,” said a fellow sportsman, “that when you tell about a fish you caught you vary its size for different listeners.” “Yes,” replied Nasrudin, “I never tell a man more than I think he will believe.”
  • Fishing
    Mulla Nasrudin had been fishing all afternoon. A man, who had just walked up, asked him, “How many have you caught today, Mulla?” “Well,” said Nasrudin, “If I catch this one that’s nibbling, and then two more, I will have three.”
  • Fishing in a Bucket
    Mulla Nasrudin sat fishing in a bucket of water. A visitor, wishing to be friendly, asked, “How many have you caught?” “You are the ninth,” said Nasrudin.
  • Five Martinis
    Mulla Nasrudin rushed into a bar and said breathlessly, “The usual, please, and hurry, I gotta catch my train.” The bartender set up five martinis in a row and the Mulla gulped the second, third and fourth, leaving the first and last drinks on the bar. Then he rushed out as rapidly as he had ...
  • Future Worry
    “You sure do look downhearted, Mulla? What’s the matter?” asked a friend. “It’s my future that worries me,” said Nasrudin. “What makes your future so black?” the friend asked. “My past,” replied Nasrudin.
  • Gentlemanly Behavior
    One day Mulla Nasrudin went to a department store to buy his wife some nylon stockings. Inadvertently, he got caught in a mad rush at a bargain counter where a special sale was in progress. He found himself being pushed and stepped on by crush of frantic women. He stood it as long as he ...
  • God Only Knows
    Mulla Nasrudin, who was really unaccustomed to public speaking, arose in confusion after dinner and muttered hesitatingly: “M-m-my f-f-friends, when I came here tonight only God and myself knew what I was about to say to you, and now only God knows!”
  • Good Behavior
    A friend was visiting Mulla Nasrudin. “My boy has just written me from jail,” he said. “He says they’re going to cut six months off his sentence for good behavior.” “My,” said Mulla Nasrudin. “You must be proud to have a son like that.”
  • Grieving Nasrudin
    In the days following the death of Nasrudin’s wife, Nasrudin’s friends noticed that he didn’t seem to be very shaken up. However, after his donkey died the following week, he appeared visibly upset and quite inconsolable. His friends, puzzled by his reactions, asked him why the death of his donkey seemed to upset him so much ...
  • Guard Dog
    Mulla Nasrudin had just bought a dog and was bragging about him to a friend. “He’s not what you’d call a pedigree dog,” said the Mulla, “but no prowler could get near the house without him letting us know about it.” “What does he do?” asked the friend. “Bark and wake the neighborhood?” “No,” said Nasrudin proudly.”He ...
  • Guest Accommodations
    Nasrudin heard a knock at his door one night. He opened the door, and the man standing there said, “Mullah, can you help a brother out and provided me with some shelter for the night. I am God’s nephew.” “Oh, is that so?” asked Nasrudin. “It surely is,” the man replied. “Well then,” remarked Nasrudin, “for an ...
  • Half Crazy
    “This is a lesson in logic,” said the old professor in the teahouse. “If the show starts at nine and dinner is at six and my son has the measles, and my brother drives a Cadillac, how old am I?” “You are eighty-four,” replied Mulla Nasrudin promptly. “Right,” said the professor. “Now tell the rest here ...
  • Has to Explain
    Invited out for a drink with his friends following a lodge meeting, Mulla Nasrudin said he had to hurry home. “I can’t join you,” he said, “I have to go home and explain to my wife.” “Explain what?” one of his friends asked. “I don’t know,” said Nasrudin, “I am not home yet.”
  • His Lawyer
    It seemed that every time Mulla Nasrudin met his lawyer, he had some added legal fees. It worried the Mulla to the point of ulcers. Then one day, he met his lawyer in the post office and said, “Nice day, isn’t it? And remember, I am telling you, not asking you, sir.”
  • Hog Stealing
    Mulla Nasrudin got arrested for stealing a hog. The trial was short and sweet. There was no concrete evidence against the Mulla, so the judge dismissed the case against him. But for some reason the Mulla seemed not to understand. “The case is dismissed,” the judge said, “It is over. You are acquitted. You can go.” ...
  • Holiday Traffic
    Mulla Nasrudin and one of his friends were sitting under the bridge, listening to the holiday traffic passing overhead. “I hate holidays,” said the friend. “Yes,” said Nasrudin, “It makes you feel so common when nobody’s working. ”
  • Honest Living
    The new man in town told Mulla Nasrudin, “I have come out here to make an honest living.” “Well,” said the Mulla, “there’s not much competition.”
  • How Kids Dress Today
    Mulla Nasrudin was watching youngsters put on a horse show. He said to a bystander, “It’s terrible the way they dress today. Just look at that young boy with the cigarette, sloppy haircut, and tight breeches.” “That is not a boy,” said the other. “It’s a girl and she’s my daughter.” “Oh, excuse me, Sir,” said ...
  • How to Become Wise
    Friend: “Nasrudin, how does one become wise?” Nasrudin: “Listen attentively to wise people when they speak. And when someone is listening to you, listen attentively to what you are saying!”
  • Hunger
    The local imam invited Nasrudin over for dinner one night. Nasrudin, not having eaten much that day, was famished when he got there, and eager to eat as soon as possible. After two hours, sermonizing about a variety of spiritual topics the imam had yet to offer his starving guest any food. As Nasrudin grew more impatient with ...
  • I Could Die for You
    “Darling,” said the young woman, ”I could die for your sake.” “You are always promising that,” said Mulla Nasrudin, “but you never do it.”
  • Identify Yourself
    As Nasrudin entered a foreign town, a border guard stopped him and demanded, “You must identify yourself before we can let you in.” Nasrudin took out a pocket mirror, looked into it, and remarked, “Yes, that is Nasrudin.”
  • If Not for Women
    The PTA meeting became rather spirited as the question of male versus female teachers was discussed. “I say women make the best teachers,” said one large and noisy woman. “Where would man be if it were not for women?” “In the garden of Eden eating watermelon and taking it easy,” shouted Mulla Nasrudin from the back. ...
  • If You Want Your Wife to Listen
    Mulla Nasrudin used to say: “If you want your wife to pay close attention to what you are saying, whisper it to another woman in a low voice.”
  • Improper Thoughts
    Mulla Nasrudin visited his psychiatrist. Among the many questions the doctor asked was, “Are you bothered by improper thoughts?” “Not at all,” replied Nasrudin. “The truth is I rather enjoy them.”
  • Infatuation
    Mulla Nasrudin and his wife were arguing. “I was a fool when I married you,” said the wife. “I guess you were,” replied Nasrudin, “but I was so infatuated at the time, I didn’t notice it.”
  • It’s Logical
    A college freshman was talking about girls with Mulla Nasrudin. “Which would you advise me to do? Marry a sensible girl or a beautiful girl, Mulla?” he asked. “I don’t think you will be able to marry either,” said the Mulla. “Why not?” asked the freshman. “It’s logical,” said Nasrudin. “A beautiful girl could do better ...
  • Jealous Maid
    Mulla Nasrudin’s wife was upset and confided to her maid. “Do you know,” she said, “I suspect my husband is having an affair with the cook.” “Oh,” cried the maid. “You can’t believe that. You are just saying that to make me jealous.”
  • Job Reference
    A neighbor gave the starving Mulla Nasrudin a sandwich, then asked him, “Haven’t you been able to find work?” “Yes, there is plenty of work,” said the Mulla, “but everybody wants a reference from my last employer.” “Can’t you get one?” she asked. “No,” said Nasrudin. “He has been dead twenty years.”
  • Jury Duty
    Mulla Nasrudin was being considered as a juror in a murder trial. The attorney for the defense was challenging prospective jurors. He questioned Mulla Nasrudin, “Are you married or single?” “Married for ten years,” said the Mulla. “Have you formed or expressed an opinion?” asked the attorney. “Not for ten years,” replied Nasrudin.
  • Killed by Burglars
    Mulla Nasrudin was stabbed by burglars. But before dying he wrote a note to his wife from the hospital. The last paragraph read, “I have been very lucky because only yesterday I put all of my money and negotiable bonds in my safety deposit box at the bank, so that I am losing practically nothing ...
  • Lawyers
    Mulla Nasrudin was in an accident and sued the insurance company for $1,000, and won his case. When he received his check; he called on his lawyer to settle up. “How much do I owe you?” he asked the lawyer. “Well,” said the lawyer, “I will tell you how it is. Since I am an ...
  • Location
    A man noticed Nasrudin digging a hole, and asked him about it. The Mullah’s reply was, “I buried something in this field last month, and I’ve been trying to find it all morning.” “Well,” said the other, “did you have some kind of marking system for it.” Nasrudin said, “Of course I did! When I was burying it, ...
  • Losing Nerve
    Mulla Nasrudin and his wife were gossiping about the recent wedding scandal. “Just think,” said the wife, “it was just as the bride was coming down the aisle that the groom suddenly turned and ran from the church and skipped town. I guess he lost his nerve.” “Oh, I don’t think so,” said the Mulla. ...
  • Man is Stuck in Tree
    A man climbed up a tall tree then discovered the trip down wasn’t as easy as the trip up. In fact, try as he might, he just couldn’t figure a way to get down safely. He asked a few passers-by for help, but no one knew what to do, so he was stuck. Then Nasrudin walked by ...
  • Man Searches for Joy
    One day, the Mulla was talking to a man from another town. The man lamented, “I am rich, but I am also sad and miserable. I have taken my money and am traveling in search of joy. But alas, I have not found it.” The Mulla grabbed the man’s bag and ran off with it. The ...
  • Man Who Can’t Be Tricked
    A local man was proclaiming that no one could trick him. Nasrudin heard this, and said to him one day, “Just wait here for a while, and I’ll figure out how to trick you.” The man waited and waited and waited. A merchant from across the street noticed him, and asked, “What are you waiting here ...
  • Marriage Advice
    A young lady went to old Mulla Nasrudin for advice. She asked, “Should I marry a fellow who lies to me?” “Yes, unless you want to remain unmarried forever,” said Nasrudin.
  • Meeting the Bus
    Mulla Nasrudin was complaining about the slowness of the bus to the driver. After he couldn’t stand the complaining any longer, the driver said, “If you don’t like it, why don’t you get out and walk?” “I would,” said the Mulla, “But my wife is going to meet me and she doesn’t expect me until ...
  • Might Have Been Worse
    Mulla always said, “Oh, well, it might have been worse.” One day an friend stopped him and said, “I dreamed last night that I died, went to hell, and was doomed to everlasting torment.” “Oh, well,” said Nasrudin, “it might have been worse.” “What do you mean, Mulla!” cried the man. “How could it have been ...
  • Misplaced Insult
    Mulla Nasrudin came home and was told by his wife that the cook had quit. “Again?” moaned the Mulla. “What was the matter this time?” “You were!” said his wife. “She said you used insulting language to her over the phone this morning.” “Good grief! ” said Nasrudin. “I am sorry, I thought I was ...
  • Mother-in-law
    Mulla Nasrudin was milking a cow, when suddenly a bull tore across the meadow toward him. The Mulla didn’t move, but kept on milking. Several men watching from the next field were surprised when the bull stopped abruptly, just a few yards from the Mulla. He then turned around and walked away. “Were you not afraid, ...
  • Mr. Know-It-All
    In the middle of a chit-chat session with her friends, Nasrudin’s wife remarked, “My husband always acts like he knows everything.” Then as she and her friends discussed the matter, Nasrudin walked in asked the ladies what they were talking about. “Oh,” his wife said, “we were just talking about bread baking.” “Well,” Nasrudin replied, “then it ...
  • Mulla the Poet
    The editor tried hard to read Mulla Nasrudin’s handwriting. “Mulla, this handwriting is so bad I can hardly read it,” he said. “Why didn’t you type out these poems before you brought them in?” “Type them!” cried Nasrudin. “Do you think for a moment that if I could type, I would be wasting my time ...
  • Mulla’s Ashes
    When Mulla Nasrudin died, his wife decided to have him cremated. The attendant at the crematory showed his widow a display of beautifully decorated urns for his ashes. “No,” she said. “I don’t want any of those things. I want you to put his ashes in an hour glass. I am going to put it ...
  • Mullah’s Athiest Fiancée
    Mulla Nasrudin’s family was upset because the girl he was planning to marry was an atheist. “We’ll not have you marrying an atheist,” his mother said. “What can I do? I love her,” the young Nasrudin said. “Well,” said his mother, “if she loves you, she will do anything you ask. You should talk religion to her. If ...
  • Mullah’s Girlfriend
    The young lady’s hopes had been high for two years while Mulla Nasrudin remained silent on the question of marriage. Then one evening he said to her, “I had a most unusual dream last night. I dreamed that I asked to marry you. I wonder what that means.” “That means,” said his girlfriend, “that you ...
  • Mulla’s Wife’s Mule
    Mulla Nasrudin’s mule kicked his wife in the head and she died. A huge crowd turned out for the funeral, most of them men. The minister following the ceremonies, said, “This lady must have been very popular. Look at the large number of people who have left their work to come to her funeral.” “They ...
  • My Father Won’t Like it
    The hay wagon had upset in the road and the young driver, Mulla Nasrudin, was terribly worried about it. A kindhearted farmer told the young fellow to forget his troubles and come in and have some supper with his family. “Then we will straighten up the wagon,” the farmer said. The Mulla said he didn’t think ...
  • Nasrudin Almost Falls into a Lake
    One day, Nasrudin slipped and nearly fell into a lake, but was caught, and saved from a soaking, by his friend walking next to him. From then on, every time Nasrudin saw that friend, the latter brought up the incident, and make a big deal about it. After months of this Nasrudin couldn’t take it any more. ...
  • Nasrudin Buries His Donkey
    One day, Nasrudin’s beloved donkey dropped dead. Greatly saddened, Nasrudin decided to make a grave for it and give it a formal burial and ceremony. As he cried at the gravesite over the loss of his beloved donkey, someone noticed him and asked, “Who is buried there?” Embarrassed to admit it was his donkey, he replied, “A ...
  • Nasrudin Dies
    A very old Nasrudin was lying on his bed, about to die at any moment. He said to his wife, “Why are you dressed in black and looking so sorrowful? Go put on your finest clothes, fix up your hair, and smile!” “Nasrudin,” she tearfully responded, “how can you ask me to do such a thing? ...
  • Nasrudin Grieves
    Nasrudin sat near a grave in the cemetery, grieving and lamenting. “Oh, why, why did he have to leave me so soon!” A man noticed Nasrudin crying, and wanted to comfort him. He asked, “Is this your son’s grave that you are crying over?” Nasrudin replied, “No, this is the grave of my wife’s first husband. He ...
  • Nasrudin’s Lost Ticket
    Boarding a train, Nasrudin was asked for his ticket by the conductor. Nasrudin looked through his pants pockets, but he couldn’t find it. “One moment,” he said. “I know I brought it.” He searched his bag, and still couldn’t find it. He searched the floor around him, and the missing ticket still eluded him. He even ...
  • Nasrudin’s Hurried Prayer
    Nasrudin was in a rush one day, and quickly went to the Mosque for an evening prayer session. The religious leader saw his rushed prayer, and angrily said to him, “This is not right—you offering such hurried prayers. Start over again.” So Nasrudin complied, and when he finished, the religious leader said, “Now, don’t you think ...
  • Nasrudin’s Weapon
    A conqueror headquartered in Nasrudin’s city was looking for how to end a rebellion that had begun in one of the nearby towns he ruled. “The people have risen against the governor,” one of his officials explained. “They say they have had enough of his oppressive rule.” “We should send troops and weapons to quell the disorder,” ...
  • New Hearing Aid
    Mulla Nasrudin bought one of those new hearing aids that is practically invisible. He was told that he could return it if it didn’t prove twice as good as the cumbersome device he had been using. He stopped by a few days later to express his satisfaction with the new device. “I bet your family ...
  • No Easy Mark
    A well-known dead-beat caught Mulla Nasrudin on the street one day before the Mulla could duck. “I am really in a jam and need money,” he said to the Mulla, “and I have not any idea where I am going to get some.” “I am sure glad to hear that,” said Nasrudin. “I was afraid ...
  • Nobody’s Perfect
    The young lady became angry with her boyfriend, Mulla Nasrudin, and said, “You are a perfect dope!” “Don’t try flattery,” said Nasrudin. “None of us is perfect!”
  • Old Age
    “That pain in your leg is caused by old age,” the doctor told Mulla Nasrudin. “That can’t be,” replied the Mulla. “The other leg is the same age and doesn’t hurt a bit.”
  • Old Age
    Mulla Nasrudin, celebrating his 95th birthday was asked by a friend: “Don’t you hate growing old, Mulla?” “Heck, no,” said Nasrudin. “If I wasn’t growing old, I’d be dead.” A newspaper reporter was interviewing Mulla Nasrudin on his 99th birthday. As he was shaking hands to leave, he said, “I hope I can come back next ...
  • Out Together
    Mulla Nasrudin was talking with his neighbor over the back fence. “Wasn’t that something,” said the neighbor, “the way Maria’s stove exploded last night? The explosion blew her and her husband right out of the front door into the street! ” “Yes, ” said the Mulla. “That’s the first time they have gone out together in ...
  • Palm Reading
    As a fortune teller, Mulla was reading the palm of a friend. He said, “You will be poor and unhappy and miserable until you are sixty.” “Then what?” asked the man. “Hopefully, by that time,” said Nasrudin, “you will be used to it.”
  • Playing By the Rules
    Mulla Nasrudin’s wife played bridge wisely and according to the rules. Mulla Nasrudin boasted of knowing no rules. However, one evening, he bid and made a grand slam, doubled and redoubled. Excitedly he said to his wife, “See, you thought I couldn’t do it!” “Well, darling,” said his wife, “You couldn’t have, if you’d played ...
  • Poetry Critic
    Mulla Nasrudin had just returned a sheaf of poems to the budding young poet. “Do you think it would help if I put more fire into my poetry, Sir?” the young man asked Nasrudin. “No,” said the Mulla. “I would recommend the reverse.”
  • Policeman and Drunk Mulla
    A policeman stopped drunk Mulla Nasrudin, and said to him, “Do you know who I am?” “I can’t say that I do,” said Nasrudin, “But if you will tell me where you live, I will help you home.”
  • Politeness
    The bus was crowded when the little old lady got on, and Mulla Nasrudin stood up. She pushed the Mulla back gently and said, “No, thanks.” Nasrudin tried to rise again and she pushed him back a second time. Finally, Nasrudin said to her, “Please let me get up, lady, I am two blocks past ...
  • Post-Op
    Mulla Nasrudin was coming to after a serious operation. He was just conscious enough to feel the softness of the comfortable bed, and the warmth of gentle hands on his forehead. “Where am I?” he asked. “In Heaven?” “No,” said his wife, “I am still right here with you.”
  • Prayed Up In Advance
    Mulla and his young son were driving in the country one winter. It was snowing. It grew late. They finally reached a farmhouse and were welcomed for the night. The house was cold, and the attic they were to sleep in was like an icebox. Stripping to his underwear, the Mulla jumped into a featherbed ...
  • Real Money
    Mulla Nasrudin and one of his friends were lying on the green grass beside a country road. Above them was the warm sun. Birds were singing in the trees. It was quiet, restful, and a peaceful scene. “Boy,” said the Mulla, “right now I would not change places with anybody not for a million dollars.” ...
  • Reliable Source
    “How old are you, Mullah?” “Forty.” “But you said that two years ago when I asked.” “That’s right. I always stand by my word!”
  • Requests
    Mulla Nasrudin kept begging the noted pianist to play. “Well, all right, since you insist,” he said. “What shall I play?” “Anything you like,” said Nasrudin. “It’s only to annoy the neighbors.”
  • Respect
    Mulla’s wife received a beautiful skunk coat as a birthday gift from her husband. “Why,” she said with excitement, “I just can’t understand how a beautiful coat like that could possibly come from such a miserable evil-smelling little beast.” “Well,” said Nasrudin, “I did not exactly expect any gratitude from you, but I do think I ...
  • Revised Will
    Mulla Nasrudin was talking to his lawyer about having his will revised. The lawyer asked him: “What’s to be different about this will?” “Oh,” said Nasrudin, “I am leaving everything to my wife on the condition that she marries again. I want somebody to be sorry I died.”
  • Robbing Mullah’s House
    Two burglars worked as a team. One stayed outside as lookout, while the other robbed the house. One night, when the inside man returned, his buddy said, “How much did you get?” “Nothing,” the other said. “This is the house of Mulla Nasrudin.” “Then how much did you lose?” said his buddy.
  • Sack of Vegetables
    Nasrudin snuck into someone’s garden and began putting vegetables in his bag. The owner saw him and shouted, “Hey, what are you doing in my garden?” “The wind blew me here,” Nasrudin confidently responded. “Well then,” said the other. “Can explain how those vegetables were pulled out from my garden?” “Oh, that’s simple,” Nasrudin explained. “I had to ...
  • Scandal
    The editor of the local newspaper was beside himself. He asked to Mulla, “What are we going to do for our front page tonight? Nothing scandalous has happened in town for almost twenty-four hours!” “Take it easy,” said Nasrudin. “Something will happen. You shouldn’t lose faith in human nature, sir.”
  • Sea Sickness
    Mulla Nasrudin was on his first ocean voyage, and was deathly ill. Trying to comfort him, the steward said, “Don’t be so down-hearted, Sir, I have never heard of anyone dying of sea-sickness.” “Oh, don’t tell me that,” moaned Nasrudin. “It has only been the hope of dying that has kept me alive.”
  • Self-Starter
    Mulla Nasrudin and his friend were talking about their wives. “My wife is very touchy,” said the friend. “The least little thing I do sets her off.” “You are lucky,” said Nasrudin. “Mine is a self-starter.”
  • Selling a Turban
    Nasrudin went to the mayor’s palace one day wearing a fancy turban. “Wow!” said the mayor, “What a magnificent turban! I’ve never seen anything like it. How much will you sell it for?” “A thousand dollars,” Nasrudin calmly replied. A local merchant turned to the mayor and remarked, “That price definitely exceeds the market value of comparable ...
  • Sermon Critiqued
    A preacher was being entertained at dinner, and the other guests were praising his sermon. One them turned to Mulla Nasrudin, who was at the talk, but had remained silent, and asked, “Mulla, what did you think of the sermon?” “Oh, it was all right,” said Nasrudin, “Only he passed up three real good places ...
  • Slight Correction
    Mulla Nasrudin was introduced as the man who had just made $800,000 in an oil deal in Oklahoma. In response, the Mulla said, “it was not an oil deal, it was a real estate deal. It was not Oklahoma, but Virginia. I am sorry, but the man had his figures mixed up. It was not $800,000, ...
  • Stones and Dogs
    Nasreddin Hodja visited a town on some personal business. It was a frigid winter night when he arrived. On the way to the inn a vicious looking dog barked at him. Hodja bent down to pick up a stone from the street to throw at the animal. He could not lift it, for the stone ...
  • Stop Playing
    A man in the upstairs apartment yelled to Mulla Nasrudin downstairs, “If you don’t stop playing that clarinet, I will go crazy.” “Too late now,” said Nasrudin. “I stopped an hour ago, sir.”
  • Such a Wonderful Living
    A mechanic sold a car he had fixed up and repaired to his friend, Mulla Nasrudin. The next day he was sorry he sold it, so he went to see the Mulla. “I will buy the car back from you,” he said, “and give you fifty dollars’ profit.” So Nasrudin sold him the car. The ...
  • Tales of Woe
    “Everybody has something to be thankful for,” the minister said to Mulla Nasrudin, who had just told his tales of his woe. “Look at the man across the —he just lost his wife in an automobile accident.” “Yes,” said Nasrudin, “But everybody can’t be that lucky, sir.”
  • Teaching a Donkey to Talk
    >Tamerlane was looking for someone to teach his donkey to talk. Nobody wanted the job. Finally the wise men of the dunes, Hodja Nasreddin, took the position, and promised to teach the donkey to talk in ten years’ time. “Are you crazy?” his friends asked him. “Not really,” Hodja answered. “The money is good, the ...
  • That’s My Boy
    Mulla Nasrudin was sitting under a tree chatting with a neighbor, when his boy came up the road carrying a chicken. “Where did you get that chicken?” Nasrudin asked his boy. “Stole it,” said the boy. Mulla Nasrudin turned to his friend and said proudly, “That’s my boy. He may steal, but he won’t lie.” ...
  • The Bill
    A visiting Emperor ate a meal of sheep meat in Nasrudin’s restaurant. When the Emperor finished his meal, he asked Nasrudin how much to pay. “Fifty dollars,” Nasrudin confidently responded. Surprised to hear such a high figure, the Emperor exclaimed, “Wow that is very expensive. Are sheep rare in this part of town?” “No, not really,” Nasrudin replied. ...
  • The Conqueror’s Challenge
    The town’s new conqueror said to Nasrudin one day, “Hey Mulla, I have a challenge for you. Offend me in a way that your explanation will be a thousand times worse than the original offense.” The next day, Nasrudin came to the palace, and kissed the conqueror right on the lips. “What was that!” exclaimed the ...
  • The Cost of Asking
    “You don’t love me any more,” said Mulla Nasrudin’s wife through her tears. “When you see me crying, you never ask why.” “I am sorry, Darling,” said Nasrudin, “but that sort of question has already cost me an awful lot of money.”
  • The Devil’s Sister
    Mulla Nasrudin was drinking too much. So much that it began to worry his friends. Finally, they figured out a plan to cure him. The plan was for one of them to dress up like a devil, with horns and a pitchfork. They planned to scare the Mulla into giving up drink. Late one night, ...
  • The Donkey Deliverer
    Nasrudin was hired to deliver seven donkeys to a neighboring town. As he went on his way, however, his mind began to wander. Minutes later, he checked to see if all the donkeys were still there. “One, two, three, four, five, six,” he counted. Somewhat worried, he counted again. “One, two, three, four, five, six.” Now ...
  • The Hole
    Nasrudin was digging outside, and his neighbor asked him, “What are you working on?” “Well,” Nasrudin replied, “There’s a lot of excess dirt on the road, so I’m digging a hole to bury it in.” “But what are you going to do with the dirt that you’re digging out of this new hole?” said the neighbor. “Hey,” Nasrudin ...
  • The Host
    “This sure is a lousy party,” a cocktail party guest said to Mulla, who was next to him. “I am going to finish this drink and then get out of here.” “I would too,” said Mulla, “but I have got to stay. I am the host.”
  • The Mayor’s Poems
    The village mayor wrote a poem and read it to Nasrudin. “Did you like the poem?” he asked. “No, not really,” Nasrudin replied, “it wasn’t very good.” The mayor was enraged, and he sentenced Nasrudin to three days in jail. The next week, the mayor called Nasrudin in his office to read him another poem he had ...
  • The Missed Appointment
    A philosopher made an appointment with Nasrudin, to have a scholarly discussion. When the day came, the philosopher dropped by Nasrudin’s house as planned. However, Nasrudin wasn’t home. The philosopher angrily took his pencil out of his pocket, wrote “Asshole” on Nasrudin’s door, and then left. When Nasrudin finally came home he saw this, and realized ...
  • The Perfect Gift
    A friend gave a bottle of cheap liquor to Mulla Nasrudin as a birthday present. Later he asked the Mulla how it was. “It was just exactly right,” said the Mulla. “What do you mean just right?” asked the friend. “Well,” said Nasrudin, “If it had been any better you wouldn’t have given it to me, ...
  • The Philanderer
    Mulla Nasrudin’s wife used to give the Mulla a regular inspection every night when he came home. Every hair she discovered on his coat would be cause for a terrible scene. One evening, when she didn’t find a single hair, she screamed at him, “Now you are even running after bald-headed women!”
  • The Place to Be
    Mulla Nasrudin came home about midnight and threw himself on the couch in the living room. This woke his wife up, and she stuck her head out the bedroom door and said, “Well, you finally came home. I guess you found that your home is the best place to be this time of the night.” “Not ...
  • The Restaurant Bill
    Judge Nasrudin was presiding over a case. The plaintiff went first and exclaimed, “The defendant refuses to pay his restaurant bill!” “I would have,” the defendant countered, “but he charged me two hundred dollars for three hard-boiled eggs!” “Is this true?” Nasrudin asked the plaintiff. “Well,” the other replied, “as I explained to him earlier, those eggs ...
  • The Right Daughter-in-Law
    Nasrudin, knowing his son was looking for a wife, asked him what type of wife he wanted. “One who is intelligent and expressive,” the latter replied. “OK,” replied Nasrudin, “I’ll help you find such a woman.” So Nasrudin led his son to the town square. In front of all the people he slapped his son, and ...
  • The Right Language
    A man was caught in a river current, hanging on to some rocks in order to avoid being carried away. Nasrudin and a friend noticed this. The friend extended his arm, and said, “Give me your hand so I can help you out.” The man, however, did not cooperate. Nasrudin then asked the man what he did ...
  • The Thief
    One night, a thief broke into Nasrudin’s house and began putting items in a sack. Nasrudin then joined him and added a few things. The thief was so bewildered he turned to Nasrudin and asked, “What in the world are you doing?” “Well,” Nasrudin replied, “I thought we were moving, so I decided I’d help pack.”
  • The Umbrella
    As Nasrudin and a friend walked, it suddenly began raining hard. The friend noticed that Nasrudin was carrying an umbrella, and said, “Open your umbrella to prevent us from getting soaked.” “No,” said Nasrudin, “that won’t do us much good. This umbrella is full of holes.” “So then why did you bring it?” the friend curiously asked. “Well,” ...
  • The Value of Advice
    Mulla Nasrudin approached a genteel-appearing, elderly man with his tale of woe and a request for assistance. The old gentleman refused him, saying, “I am sorry, my friend, I have no money, but I can give you some good advice.” The Mulla said in a disgusted tone, “No thanks, if you don’t have any money, I ...
  • The Walk Home
    A local religious leader was not fond of Nasrudin. However, one night not wishing to walk home alone, he decided to join Nasrudin walking back to their neighborhood. Reaching a steep section of road, the religious leader looked up and said, “Great God—surely you have made this path steeper to punish my companion for his not-so-exemplary ...
  • The World is Ending
    Some of Nasrudin’s acquaintances wanted to get Nasrudin to kill his biggest goat and invite them for a meal. So one day they told him, “Did you hear the news?” “No, what is it?” Nasrudin replied. “The world is coming to an end tomorrow!” the friend said. Upon hearing this, Nasrudin invited them all to dinner that ...
  • Theater Criticism
    A young playwright gave a special invitation to Mulla Nasrudin to watch his new play. The Mulla came to the play, but slept through the entire performance. The young playwright was indignant and said, “How could you sleep when you knew how much I wanted your opinion?” “Young man,” said Nasrudin, “sleep is an opinion.” ...
  • Thirty Year Old Vinegar
    His neighbor asked the Hodja, “Do you have any thirty-year old vinegar?” “I have,’ answered the Hodja. “Would you give me some? I need it to prepare a medication,” said the man. “No, I won’t,” replied the Hodja. “Why not?” asked the man. “Well, it’s just the principal of the matter,” replied the Hodja. “What principle?” asked the man. “The principle that ...
  • To Make His Wife Happy
    “Why don’t you stop picking on me?” said Mulla Nasrudin to his wife. “I try to do everything possible to make you happy.” “There’s one thing you haven’t done that my first husband did to make me happy,” she said. “What’s that?” asked the Mulla. “He dropped dead,” she said.
  • Too Busy
    “You need more recreation and relaxation,” said Mulla to his overworked friend. “But I’m too busy,” said the friend. “That’s silly,” replied Nasrudin. “Ants have the greatest reputation for being busy all the time, yet they never miss an opportunity to attend a picnic.”
  • Toothache
    Mulla Nasrudin thought he was going to die with a toothache. He asked his friend, “What can I do to relieve the pain?” “I will tell you what I do,” his friend said. “When I have a toothache, or a pain, I go over to my wife, and she puts her arms around me, and ...
  • Traitor
    Mulla Nasrudin’s son, studying political science, asked his father, “Dad, in politics what’s a traitor?” “Any man who leaves our party, and goes over to the other party is a traitor,” he replied. “Well, what about a man who leaves his party and comes over to yours?” asked the young man. “He’d be a convert, son,” ...
  • Troubles
    Mulla Nasrudin was obviously envious of the rich man who just gave him a dollar. “You have no reason to envy me,” said the rich man. “Even if I do look prosperous. I have my troubles, too, you know.” “You probably have plenty of troubles,” said Nasrudin, “But the difference is, I’ve got nothing else, sir.”
  • True Friendship
    “When I was broke,” Mulla Nasrudin told his neighbor, “Harry offered to lend me $1000.” “Did you take it?” his neighbor asked. “No,” said Nasrudin. “That kind of friendship is too valuable to lose.”
  • Two Rides
    A young man had just passed his examination for his private pilot’s license. He wanted to show off, and persuaded the Mulla Nasrudin to go up with him. When they landed, the Mulla said: “Thanks for the two rides.” “What do you mean, two rides, Uncle?” asked the young man. “You had only one.” “Oh no,” ...
  • Used Chair
    Mulla, carrying a chair, walked approached the owner of a secondhand store, and asked how much it was worth. “Three dollars,” said the secondhand dealer. The Mulla seemed surprised. “Isn’t it worth more than that?” he said. “Three dollars is the limit,” the owner said. “See that? Where the leg is split, and  here where the ...
  • Vested Interest
    Mulla Nasrudin called on the minister and told him a distressing story of poverty and misery in the neighborhood. “This poor widow,” said the Mulla, “with four starving children to feed, is sick in bed with no money for the doctor, and besides that she owes $100 rent for three months and is about to ...
  • Voter Fraud
    The election was being challenged by the defeated candidate, Mulla Nasrudin. “I know it was crooked,” said the Mulla. “A friend of mine voted for me fifteen times in the third precinct and I didn’t get but four votes there.”
  • Warriors Boast
    Several of the town’s warriors were boasting about a recent battle. One of them exclaimed, “In the midst of the battle, several knives had stabbed me in my legs and arms, but I continued fighting and took out five of their men!” “Well,” another warrior chimed in, “I had an axe go right into my leg, ...
  • Wedding Anniversary
    Mulla Nasrudin’s wife woke him up one morning and said, “Honey, wake up. Today is our 42nd wedding anniversary. I think we ought to celebrate. What do you say we kill a chicken?” The Mulla looked at her and said, “Why in the world do you want to punish a poor chicken for something that ...
  • What Color is my Beard?
    One day, a barber was trimming the mayor’s beard at the village palace. After finishing he remarked, “Your beard is starting to turn gray.” The mayor, enraged to hear this, ordered that the barber be put in jail for one year. He then turned to a court attendant and asked, “Do you see any gray in ...
  • What Should I Do?
    Nasrudin’s friend was always worried and distressed over everything. One day he asked Nasrudin advice, “What should I do—I get up early every morning, and it is so dark that time after time I bump into something and hurt myself badly?” Nasrudin replied, “Get up later in the morning.”
  • When Lightning Strikes
    “What are you doing under the bed?” asked Mulla’s wife. “It’s all the lightning and thunder,” said the Mulla. “And I don’t want to get struck by lightning.” “That’s silly,” said his wife. “If lightning is going to strike you, it will strike you no matter where you are.” “But, if it is going to strike me, ...
  • When Will the World End?
    A philosoper asked Mulla, “I have been traveling, researching, and contemplating for years, trying to determine when the end of the world will be—yet I still have not found out the answer. Do you know when the end of the world will be?” “Yes, I have known that information for a long time,” replied Nasrudin.”When I ...
  • Who Am I
    Nasrudin walked into a shop one day, and the owner came forward to serve him. Nasrudin said, “First things first. Did you see me walk into your shop?” “Of course.” “Have you ever seen me before?” “Never.” “Then how do you know it was me?”
  • Who to Pray For
    Mulla Nasrudin was in the hospital because he had been injured in a fight. A visiting preacher said to him, “I am going to pray so you will forgive your enemy for hitting you with a brick,” “It might be better,” said Nasrudin, “if you wait until I get out of here, and then pray for ...
  • Who Wants To Go To Heaven?
    “Stand up if you want to go to heaven,” shouted the preacher. Everybody stood up except old Mulla Nasrudin. “Don’t you want to go to heaven, brother?” asked the preacher. “Yes, sir,” said Nasrudin, “But I’m not going on any group excursion!”
  • Who’s Boss
    “You ought to stand on your two feet and show your wife who is running things at your house,” a big, bossy fellow said to his friend, Mulla Nasrudin. “There is no need to,” said Nasrudin, “She already knows.”
  • Why don’t you do that?
    New neighbors moved in next door. “They seem like a most devoted couple,” said Mulla’s wife. “Every time he leaves for work she comes out on the porch, and he hugs and kisses her. Why don’t you do that?” “Me?” said Mulla. “I should say not. I haven’t even been introduced to her yet.”
  • Wife Diagnosed
    The doctor was giving some bad news to Mulla Nasrudin about his wife. “This is a serious case,” the doctor said. “I hate to tell you, but your wife’s mind is gone, completely gone.” “Well, I’m not surprised,” said Nasrudin. “She’s been giving me a little piece of it every day for fifteen years.”
  • Wife’s Death
    While having breakfast one morning Mulla Nasrudin’s wife read the shocking  announcement of her own death in the newspaper. She phoned Mulla Nasrudin who was out of town on business, and remarked, “Have you read the morning paper, Mulla? And, did you see the announcement of my death?” “Yes,” said Nasrudin. “Where are you calling from?”
  • Wife’s Dying Request
    Mulla Nasrudin’s wife was in the hospital on her deathbed. Just before passing away, she said to her husband, “Darling, I have only one regret as I pass on. I hate to leave you behind in all your loneliness. I just want you to know if you ever wish to remarry, you have my consent. ...
  • Work
    A shopkeeper asked Mulla Nasrudin, “Have you ever been offered work?” “Only once Lady,” said Nasrudin. “Aside from that, I have met with nothing but kindness.”
  • Work Saving
    “This tool is so useful, and so advanced,” said the salesman, “it will cut your work in half.” “Excellent,” said Mulla Nasrudin, “I will take two of them.”
  • Worst Memory
    Mulla Nasrudin was complaining about his wife to a friend. “I don’t know what I am going to do about her,” he said. “She has the worst memory in the world.” “You mean she forgets everything?” asked his friend. “Heck, no,” said Nasrudin. “she remembers everything.”
  • Worth a Try
    As usual, Mulla Nasrudin showed up for supper with dirty hands and face. “Go wash up,” his wife screamed at him. “Night after night I tell you. And night after night you always come to the table without washing. Why don’t you ever do it without my shouting at you?” “Well,” said the Mulla, “It’s always ...
  • Wrestling Donkeys
    One day, Nasrudin went to the local doctor and told him, “Every night for the past month and a half, I’ve dreamt I have wrestling matches with donkeys.” The doctor gave Nasrudin a herb and said, “Eat this, and your dreams will go away.” “Can I start taking them tomorrow?” Nasrudin asked. “Why?” the doctor inquired. “Because I’m scheduled ...