In Search of the Miraculous
Chapter 8
(G.) said. “You already think you can do. To get rid of this conviction is more difficult than anything else for a man. … There stand behind you many years of a wrong and stupid life, of indulgence in every kind of weakness, of shutting your eyes to your own errors, of striving to avoid all unpleasant truths, of constant lying to yourselves, of self-justification, of blaming others, and so on, and so on. All this cannot help affecting the machine. The machine is dirty, in places it is rusty, and in some places artificial appliances have been formed, the necessity for which has been created by its own wrong way of working.
“These artificial appliances will now interfere very much with all your good intentions.
“They are called ‘buffers.’
…They are created, not by nature but by man himself, although involuntarily. The cause of their appearance is the existence in man of many contradictions; contradictions of opinions, feelings, sympathies, words, and actions. If a man throughout the whole of his life were to feel all the contradictions that are within him he could not live and act as calmly as he lives and acts now. He would have constant friction, constant unrest. We fail to see how contradictory and hostile the different I’s of our personality are to one another. If a man were to feel all these contradictions he would feel what he really is. He would feel that he is mad. It is not pleasant to anyone to feel that he is mad. Moreover, a thought such as this deprives a man of self-confidence, weakens his energy, deprives him of ‘self-respect.’ Somehow … He must either destroy contradictions or cease to see and to feel them. A man cannot destroy contradictions. But if ‘buffers’ are created in him he can cease to feel them and he will not feel the impact from the clash of contradictory views, contradictory emotions, contradictory words.
“‘Buffers’ are created slowly and gradually. Very many ‘buffers’ are created artificially through ‘education.’ Others are created under the hypnotic influence of all surrounding life. A man is surrounded by people who live, speak, think, and feel by means of ‘buffers.’ Imitating them in their opinions, actions, and words, a man involuntarily creates similar ‘buffers’ in himself. ‘Buffers’ make a man’s life more easy. It is very hard to live without ‘buffers.’ But they keep man from the possibility of inner development because ‘buffers’ are made to lessen shocks, and it is only shocks that can lead a man out of the state in which he lives, that is, waken him. ‘Buffers’ lull a man to sleep, give him the agreeable and peaceful sensation that all will be well, that no contradictions exist and that he can sleep in peace. ‘Buffers’ are appliances by means of which a man can always be in the right. ‘Buffers’ help a man not to feel his conscience.
“‘Conscience’ … in the sphere of the emotions is equivalent to the concept ‘consciousness’ in the sphere of the intellect. And as we have no consciousness we have no conscience.
…
“Conscience is a state in which a man feels all at once everything that he in general feels, or can feel. And as everyone has within him thousands of contradictory feelings, which vary from a deeply hidden realization of his own nothingness and fears of all kinds, to the most stupid kind of self-conceit, self-confidence, self-satisfaction, and self-praise, to feel all this together would not only be painful, but literally unbearable.
“… A man cannot live in this state; he must either destroy contradictions or destroy conscience. He cannot destroy conscience, but if he cannot destroy it he can put it to sleep, that is, he can separate by impenetrable barriers one feeling of self from another, never see them together, never feel their incompatibility, the absurdity of one existing alongside another.
“But fortunately for man, that is, for his peace and for his sleep, this state of conscience is very rare. From early childhood ‘buffers’ begin to grow and strengthen in him, taking from him the possibility of seeing his inner contradictions and therefore, for him, there is no danger whatever of a sudden awakening. Awakening is possible only for those who seek it and want it… For this it is necessary to destroy ‘buffers,’ that is, to go out to meet all those inner sufferings which are connected with the sensations of contradictions. Moreover the destruction of ‘buffers’ in itself requires very long work, and a man must agree to this work, realizing that the result of his work will be every possible discomfort and suffering from the awakening of his conscience.
“But conscience is the fire which alone can fuse all the powders in the glass retort which was mentioned before and create the unity which a man lacks in that state in which he begins to study himself.
Beelzebub’s Tales
Chapter 23
In the course of my investigation of all the inner and outer being-impulses and manifestations that led this Belcultassi to form that truly great society of ordinary three-brained beings—envied in its day throughout the whole Universe as worthy of imitation—it appeared that one day while this future Sacred Individual was engaged in contemplation, according to the practice of every normal being, and by association his thoughts were concentrated on himself, that is, on the meaning and aim of his existence, he suddenly sensed and cognized that the functioning of the whole of him had been proceeding until then not as it should have proceeded according to sane logic.
This unexpected realization shocked him so profoundly that thereafter he devoted the whole of himself exclusively to becoming able at any cost to unravel this and understand it.
First of all, he decided to attain without delay the potency that would give him the force and the possibility to be absolutely sincere with himself, that is, to be able to overcome those impulses which had become habitual in the functioning of his common presence from the many heterogeneous associations arising in him from all sorts of accidental shocks, coming from outside and also engendered within, namely, the impulses called self-love, pride, vanity, and so on.
And when, after incredible what are called organic and psychic efforts, he had attained this, he began, without mercy for these being-impulses that had become inherent in his presence, to think and recall just which being-impulses had arisen in him on just what occasions in the course of his past existence, and how he had, consciously or unconsciously, reacted to them.
Analyzing himself in this manner, he began to recall exactly which impulses had provoked this or that reaction in his independently spiritualized parts, that is, in his body, in his feelings, and in his thoughts, and the state of his essence when he reacted to something more or less attentively, and how and when, in consequence of such reactions, he had manifested consciously with his I or had acted automatically under the direction of his instinct alone.
And it was then that this bearer of the future Sacred Individual, Belcultassi, having in this way recalled all his former perceptions, experiencings, and manifestations, clearly realized that his external manifestations did not correspond at all either to his perceptions or to the definite impulses formed in him.
He then began to make similar sincere observations of impressions—coming from without as well as from within—at the very moment they were perceived by his common presence, and he made all these observations with the same exhaustive, conscious verifications of how these impressions were perceived by each of his spiritualized parts, when and how they were experienced by the whole of his presence, and for what manifestations they became the impulses.
These conscious observations and impartial verifications at last convinced Belcultassi that in his common presence something was proceeding not as it should proceed according to sane being-logic.
The Reality of Being
#15. Hypnotized by my mind
An inattentive mind is filled with thoughts. In a passive state it is constantly creating images and applying them to what I observe. The images provoke pleasure or pain, which is recorded in my memory, and illusions form around desires for satisfaction. In observing from a fixed vantage point, this mind creates a kind of separation, an opposition, a judge that reacts to everything with a preconception based on what has been learned. This inner disposition is one of the greatest obstacles to receiving impressions, any impression—judging oneself, judging another, judging others, judging … no matter what. In truth, our entire life is colored, even directed, by this tendency, which is stronger than we are. Whenever and wherever it arises, this judging shows that our ordinary I is involved. There is not a moment in the day when we stop judging, even when we are alone. It keeps us in ferocious slavery, enslaved by what we believe we know and what we believe ourselves to be.
There is in me an essential energy that is the basis of all that exists. I do not feel it because my attention is occupied by everything contained in my memory—thoughts, images, desires, disappointments, physical impressions. I do not know what I am…. When I try to listen, I see that I am stopped by thoughts and feelings of all kinds. I listen poorly; I am not quiet enough to hear, to feel. What I wish to know is more subtle. I do not have the attention that is required.
I have not yet seen the difference between a fixed attention coming from only one part of myself and a free attention attached to nothing, held back by nothing, which involves all the centers at the same time. My usual attention is caught in one part and remains taken by the movement, the functioning of this part. … With my attention continually projected from one thought to another, from one image to another in a flowing current, I am hypnotized by my mind. These thoughts—and all my desires, affections, fears—are connected only by habits or attachments, which link each one to the next. My attention is caught in this current because I have never fully realized that it was given to me for another purpose.
Could my mind be silent in its perception? Could it perceive without recognizing and naming, that is, without separating to be someone who looks, judges and knows? For this, I would need an attention I do not know, an attention never separated from what it observes, allowing a total experience without excluding anything. It is only when I exclude nothing that I am free to observe and understand myself.